Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Caught between a rock and and a hard place.




Ever since I was little I have always been a peacemaker.

A go along-get along-helper-pleaser- do the right thing even when nobody is watching- loyal as your

best dog or the side kick in a buddy movie- love my friends to the bitter end.

Need someones shoulder to cry on, I got the kleenex.

Need someone to help you move, I brought the boxes.

Need a good laugh, I got a million jokes.

I opened my door, my couch, my fridge, the car door,  my wallet, and my heart.

Over and over again.

And it felt good. It felt good to help people.I wanted to help everyone.

 One of the girls I worked with asked me to help her one day in the bathroom because she needed to

change a bandage where she had fallen.

When she pulled open her smock she had bruises all over.  She was in a abusive relationship.

I was horrified. I said "OH MY GOD if you need help if you need a place to go I will let you stay

with me. So she did. She came with garbage bags of clothes and papers and a blow up mattress.

But you know the story don't you? She started talking to him again and then just went back.

Just left all of her stuff and wouldn't call me back about getting her things.

I had her stuff at my house for 6 months when I finally threw away everything but her clothes.

But you know what happened. Murphys Law.

She called and came to get her clothes.

And was  furious didnt have all her other things.  Thought I was hiding them.

I explained I just didnt have anywhere to keep ALL OF IT in a two room duplex.

So she had her husband call and threaten to beat the hell out of me if I didnt give her her stuff back.

But this is where it gets good.

He left the message on my answering machine. (  I am not making this up, DUMB.)

So I called my next door neighbor who worked construction and he and Larry changed out all the

locks on my front and back door.

Then I called the police and a officer came over and with Larry holding my hand while I shook

all over like a tree in a high wind I told him everything. He listened to the tape and then he

called the number. He spoke to the guy who of course denied that it was him it was "his friend".

The officer then explained for him to "share" the message that he would be looking for him and

if he found him anywhere near my house or work he had his name and would arrest him.

Then after that happened the officer had a talk with me.

He said, "There are ways to help people. But you have to stop and think about the best way to do it.

You gotta throw a ring to someone drowning or they will drown you too. You gotta put your own

mask on in the plane to help others. We can all be the good guy. But you need to stop and think

about how to do it you get what I'm saying?"

I think about that policeman often and how he understood I wanted to help.

There are many resources out there to help people, to help women.

Start here.

www.ywcaokc.org


















Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Great Purge





I watched the show hoarders when it first came out and I decided I needed to purge my house

OFTEN. I'd like to say its a system but really what happens is when I can't shut my pajama drawer,

and I have clothes  in my closet from the 80s I sigh and come to the realization that no, I'll

never wear that again and out it goes. I even got rid of my wedding dress.

 I always donate all clothes to Heart and Hand Thrift because they will actually GIVE stuff to needy

folks instead of charging them for it and with enough notice they will even come pick things up!

One of my rules is anything stained or worn out or yukky goes straight in the trash.

Seriously nobody wants that white shirt with the coffee stain on the boob that won't come out even

if it IS Donna Karan. I don't even want it why would I give that away? Even the dog wont wear it.

I am embarrassed to say I have given away clothes with the labels still on them because I JUST

KNEW I was going to wear that blue and green striped dress/cover up with the glow in the dark

sequined light up palm trees to a pool party someday, there I'd sit with my impeccably self tanned (

cause brown fats better than white fat ya know) legs crossed my hair slicked into a chic messy braid

with fabulous earrings, sandals, a umbrella cocktail in my hand at someones fancy night time pool

party. NEVER HAPPENED.

Or I just knew I was going to lose 20 pounds and be able to fit into those cute jeans with the jeweled

trim that I bought because they were on sale and I fit into them for five minutes last year after the

stomach flu. Nope. Some people say oh but they are GREAT MOTIVATORS to lose some lbs. Not

for me. I just open the door and they are a sparkly butt reminder of how a year later I STILL haven't

lost enough to get them back on. OUT THEY GO! They will delight some other big butted gal who

likes sparkly shit on her voluptuous rear.

So I kind of get a little crazy this year because we have accumulated so many Christmas decorations.

My friend who just moved in with her boyfriend awhile back and had a baby told me she does not

have much in the way of Christmas stuff so I said "Hey I will give you some stuff to use next year!"

I'm thinking I will have a chance to clean out and organize all the decor and put it into

tubs with labels so I at least have some idea where things are for next year. I tell Larry yesterday

when he gets home to please take Conor and go to the attic and put ALL THE CHRISTMAS stuff in

the dining room so I can work on it. He says "All of it? Are you sure?' I'm all "Did I stutter yes all of

it do it now before it gets too dark and you can't see anything." ( our attic light is not working that's

another fix it project) so up he goes. Here's what I hear,

Larry: Come on Conor Mom wants all the Christmas stuff outta the attic.

Conor: What? You mean all the stuff I just put up there two weeks ago?

Larry: Yes and all the other stuff too.

Conor: NO WHY?!

Larry: (In what sounds like a Scottish accent) BECAUSE SHAY SAYED SUE DEW EAT NAOW.

Conor: Oh my GOD.  I could hear his eyes rolling from downstairs.

But they do.

All to the first floor in the dining room.

I went in there this AM and saw all the boxes and tubs and table full of stuff.

I turned around and went straight to the kitchen where I wiped down all the cabinets, cooked myself

breakfast, did all the dishes, folded three baskets of laundry, rearranged the plasticware and put all

lids on, paid the bills online, wrote two letters, did more laundry, looked at facebook, made the bed,

scrubbed all three toilets, ate lunch, did more dishes.

Larry came home for lunch.

We talked about the project.

He says "Are you scared?" I'm like "ARE YOU KIDDING HAVE YOU SEEN IT IN THERE?" He

laughs and says "I was scared when I started the wall plaster repair project upstairs but its almost

finished." I said "I'm going to work on it a little at a time." Its the process. The process is what I'm

scared of.

I will go in with a timer. I will work for thirty minutes at least. I will do it every day. But today I'm

just going to pretend like we don't even have a dining room.

Dammit wheres the timer!



Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Cause Moms need other Moms


Yesterday night ( as my son used to call it) was pretty wild. I broke from my norm of dance off with my pillow and blanky by ten o " clock,  do you know where your children are to go party at my friends house.

I got there and was met at the door by MC ponytail mom, Boom Boom blanket boy, and DJ fat black cat. The chef of the evening was preparing a buffet to die for of Chicken in the round, Bacon and cheese encrusted Pomme De Terre, Steak Hache, boheme of Hummus and crudites, and a delightful cocktail with lime.

Seriously I can make it all sound pretty fancy. it was actually chicken nuggets, potato skins, hamburgers and hummus with carrots and Lime a Rita.

I thanked Chef for dinner and he said "Well it wasn't much and I said "Well I didn't have to cook or clean up which makes it really awesome!"

 Boom Boom blanket boy got upset with his mom because she told him no more video games ( good for you mom), and stuck with her guns when he went through the 5 stages of loss and grief.

Denial- "No Mom I need to play just one more level."

Bargaining- "Mom five more minutes, OK five more seconds, one more level, please please please?"

 Anger-  "MOM your breaking my heart."

 *This bitty kid reminds me of my 16 year old who does the EXACT SAME THING,  you guys I may have crumpled on that one. I did feel really sorry for his mom who had a look on her face that said, "I'm tired and your hurting my feelings." Even though she didn't even know she had it.

Depression consisted of groaning, growling, and laying under his blanket when his Dad came over and squashed him into a baby ball until he started laughing.

Ponytail Mom and I  went back to the bedroom where she was sorting through her clothes for summer storage, donations to Suited for Success or Goodwill.

It only looked like a closet intervention.

We covered everything from "How old is too old to make a big career change" * never if you can.

"Who used to be married to who and what happened", * it was a long time ago and everyone is  happy now.

"Why its important for kids to see Moms have happiness and prosperity in their job" *Because if you are going to work do something you enjoy and make money.

 AND "Whats the difference between a Tunic and a Dress"  Apparently 40% off in the store.

All the while I was thinking about hard it is sometimes when your kids say stuff that hurts your feelings even when they are still in footie Jammie's like blanket boy, words hurt. Even though your the grown up, even though you know better,  even with all that...Some days its harder than others.

 So I took a deep breath and told her "You deserve respect. He hurt your feelings and he should apologize, he can't do better if he doesn't know." She said "I know,  I will tell him." And I put my arms around her and I said "I know he's your baby and you love him, but your MY BABY."

Because sometimes it just comes to the point where mothers have to mother each other.

 Because we all second guess ourselves, we are all wondering,

 "How much is acting out because they are tired or hungry or just being a pain in the ass."

"Am I the only one who feels this way?"

"I wouldn't change being a Mom but Damn I AM TIE RED and this shits hard."

"I need a hug because I just do."

Later blanket boy did come in. My friend got down in the floor with him and they talked and he apologized and kissed her and talked about S'mores, and wheres my shoes, and I love you.

And I looked at her and thought "I'm really proud of you good job Mom, good job."