Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Great Purge

I watched the show hoarders when it first came out and I decided I needed to purge my house

OFTEN. I'd like to say its a system but really what happens is when I can't shut my pajama drawer,

and I have clothes  in my closet from the 80s I sigh and come to the realization that no, I'll

never wear that again and out it goes. I even got rid of my wedding dress.

 I always donate all clothes to Heart and Hand Thrift because they will actually GIVE stuff to needy

folks instead of charging them for it and with enough notice they will even come pick things up!

One of my rules is anything stained or worn out or yukky goes straight in the trash.

Seriously nobody wants that white shirt with the coffee stain on the boob that won't come out even

if it IS Donna Karan. I don't even want it why would I give that away? Even the dog wont wear it.

I am embarrassed to say I have given away clothes with the labels still on them because I JUST

KNEW I was going to wear that blue and green striped dress/cover up with the glow in the dark

sequined light up palm trees to a pool party someday, there I'd sit with my impeccably self tanned (

cause brown fats better than white fat ya know) legs crossed my hair slicked into a chic messy braid

with fabulous earrings, sandals, a umbrella cocktail in my hand at someones fancy night time pool


Or I just knew I was going to lose 20 pounds and be able to fit into those cute jeans with the jeweled

trim that I bought because they were on sale and I fit into them for five minutes last year after the

stomach flu. Nope. Some people say oh but they are GREAT MOTIVATORS to lose some lbs. Not

for me. I just open the door and they are a sparkly butt reminder of how a year later I STILL haven't

lost enough to get them back on. OUT THEY GO! They will delight some other big butted gal who

likes sparkly shit on her voluptuous rear.

So I kind of get a little crazy this year because we have accumulated so many Christmas decorations.

My friend who just moved in with her boyfriend awhile back and had a baby told me she does not

have much in the way of Christmas stuff so I said "Hey I will give you some stuff to use next year!"

I'm thinking I will have a chance to clean out and organize all the decor and put it into

tubs with labels so I at least have some idea where things are for next year. I tell Larry yesterday

when he gets home to please take Conor and go to the attic and put ALL THE CHRISTMAS stuff in

the dining room so I can work on it. He says "All of it? Are you sure?' I'm all "Did I stutter yes all of

it do it now before it gets too dark and you can't see anything." ( our attic light is not working that's

another fix it project) so up he goes. Here's what I hear,

Larry: Come on Conor Mom wants all the Christmas stuff outta the attic.

Conor: What? You mean all the stuff I just put up there two weeks ago?

Larry: Yes and all the other stuff too.

Conor: NO WHY?!

Larry: (In what sounds like a Scottish accent) BECAUSE SHAY SAYED SUE DEW EAT NAOW.

Conor: Oh my GOD.  I could hear his eyes rolling from downstairs.

But they do.

All to the first floor in the dining room.

I went in there this AM and saw all the boxes and tubs and table full of stuff.

I turned around and went straight to the kitchen where I wiped down all the cabinets, cooked myself

breakfast, did all the dishes, folded three baskets of laundry, rearranged the plasticware and put all

lids on, paid the bills online, wrote two letters, did more laundry, looked at facebook, made the bed,

scrubbed all three toilets, ate lunch, did more dishes.

Larry came home for lunch.

We talked about the project.

He says "Are you scared?" I'm like "ARE YOU KIDDING HAVE YOU SEEN IT IN THERE?" He

laughs and says "I was scared when I started the wall plaster repair project upstairs but its almost

finished." I said "I'm going to work on it a little at a time." Its the process. The process is what I'm

scared of.

I will go in with a timer. I will work for thirty minutes at least. I will do it every day. But today I'm

just going to pretend like we don't even have a dining room.

Dammit wheres the timer!


  1. I am so sorry you are so much like me. But I just hoard a tiny bit of stuff and a lot of books. People say oh no you have nothing compared to me and lot of people I know. I say thank goodness. At least we are beautiful.

    1. I'm not a hoarder and neither are you. I very rarely bring anything home except for books and clothes. I don't know where all this shit comes from!

  2. Do you know what I had to go through to publish on this page.

    1. You need to set yourself up a google account. Then I could share pictures from google photos with you and it would not be so hard for you to remark on the blog