I watched the show hoarders when it first came out and I decided I needed to purge my house
OFTEN. I'd like to say its a system but really what happens is when I can't shut my pajama drawer,
and I have clothes in my closet from the 80s I sigh and come to the realization that no, I'll
never wear that again and out it goes. I even got rid of my wedding dress.
I always donate all clothes to Heart and Hand Thrift because they will actually GIVE stuff to needy
folks instead of charging them for it and with enough notice they will even come pick things up!
One of my rules is anything stained or worn out or yukky goes straight in the trash.
Seriously nobody wants that white shirt with the coffee stain on the boob that won't come out even
if it IS Donna Karan. I don't even want it why would I give that away? Even the dog wont wear it.
I am embarrassed to say I have given away clothes with the labels still on them because I JUST
KNEW I was going to wear that blue and green striped dress/cover up with the glow in the dark
sequined light up palm trees to a pool party someday, there I'd sit with my impeccably self tanned (
cause brown fats better than white fat ya know) legs crossed my hair slicked into a chic messy braid
with fabulous earrings, sandals, a umbrella cocktail in my hand at someones fancy night time pool
party. NEVER HAPPENED.
Or I just knew I was going to lose 20 pounds and be able to fit into those cute jeans with the jeweled
trim that I bought because they were on sale and I fit into them for five minutes last year after the
stomach flu. Nope. Some people say oh but they are GREAT MOTIVATORS to lose some lbs. Not
for me. I just open the door and they are a sparkly butt reminder of how a year later I STILL haven't
lost enough to get them back on. OUT THEY GO! They will delight some other big butted gal who
likes sparkly shit on her voluptuous rear.
So I kind of get a little crazy this year because we have accumulated so many Christmas decorations.
My friend who just moved in with her boyfriend awhile back and had a baby told me she does not
have much in the way of Christmas stuff so I said "Hey I will give you some stuff to use next year!"
I'm thinking I will have a chance to clean out and organize all the decor and put it into
tubs with labels so I at least have some idea where things are for next year. I tell Larry yesterday
when he gets home to please take Conor and go to the attic and put ALL THE CHRISTMAS stuff in
the dining room so I can work on it. He says "All of it? Are you sure?' I'm all "Did I stutter yes all of
it do it now before it gets too dark and you can't see anything." ( our attic light is not working that's
another fix it project) so up he goes. Here's what I hear,
Larry: Come on Conor Mom wants all the Christmas stuff outta the attic.
Conor: What? You mean all the stuff I just put up there two weeks ago?
Larry: Yes and all the other stuff too.
Conor: NO WHY?!
Larry: (In what sounds like a Scottish accent) BECAUSE SHAY SAYED SUE DEW EAT NAOW.
Conor: Oh my GOD. I could hear his eyes rolling from downstairs.
But they do.
All to the first floor in the dining room.
I went in there this AM and saw all the boxes and tubs and table full of stuff.
I turned around and went straight to the kitchen where I wiped down all the cabinets, cooked myself
breakfast, did all the dishes, folded three baskets of laundry, rearranged the plasticware and put all
lids on, paid the bills online, wrote two letters, did more laundry, looked at facebook, made the bed,
scrubbed all three toilets, ate lunch, did more dishes.
Larry came home for lunch.
We talked about the project.
He says "Are you scared?" I'm like "ARE YOU KIDDING HAVE YOU SEEN IT IN THERE?" He
laughs and says "I was scared when I started the wall plaster repair project upstairs but its almost
finished." I said "I'm going to work on it a little at a time." Its the process. The process is what I'm
I will go in with a timer. I will work for thirty minutes at least. I will do it every day. But today I'm
just going to pretend like we don't even have a dining room.
Dammit wheres the timer!