Tuesday, July 22, 2014
I may have been in all these classes at one time in my life. Especially the forward roll class with the two hot guys....
But this is week three of training with Steph. And its going well. I have been sore but its a good sore, the kind where your body says "OH THANK GOD MY SHIT STILL WORKS..."
I dont wake up unable to move but I know those muscles are remembering what they are supposed to do. And it feels really good.
I do have a dream. Todays dream is to get myself back in shape enough to ride my bike with my kid by the time the weather cools off some. Small goals are what I'm working towards because its so much more than the number on the scale for me. Its my relationship with my kid, my husband, and food.
I have been trying to watch my food but Im an emotional eater and this has been a roller coaster week of dealing with my Dad and his health problems, trying to make sure he's getting the care he needs, and doing it all from 11 states away. So I'm not being to hard on myself for those Margaritas Saturday night even though they were hard on me the next day.
You know what I learned about working out this week? Dont wear my workout pants without underwear. Cause theres no way to hide pulling your drawers outta your butt at the gym.
So Conor and I went to a movie and afterwards he wanted to go look around at the mall.
Conor: Hey can we go to Hot Topic I want to see if they have a scarf.
Me: You mean the one Brad Pitt has on in World War Z?
Me: I don't think they are going to have a Perry Ellis scarf in Hot Topic but OK. Did you bring your money?
Conor: No you know I'm saving for a computer I'm not wasting my money on stuff out here.
Me: REALLY? So we are just going to waste mine?
Conor: UM I guess I should have phrased that better...
Conor: We need to start drinking real milk again not Almond Milk kids need the nutrition real milk offers.
( I had actually done allot of research before switching to Almond milk for our family for health reasons)
Me: You get calcium, protein, and vitamins from Almond Milk just like dairy.
Conor: But it doesn't have as much. And I need to lose weight and get fit.
Me: You also don't get the lactose or the carbs which are NOT great for you. So what about that?
Conor: Well then can we have the vanilla kind I don't like the way it tastes.
Me: Is that what this is all about?
Later we go to meet my trainer and I laugh and tell her about our conversation and as she invites Conor to work out the next day with us. I show him a magazine with a roided out guy on the cover. I say" You work out with us you will look just like him you said you wanted to get fit."
Conor says "Oh he probably got that way from Steroids and protein."
Stephanie says "You could get all muscly without steroids."
Stephanie: "Drinking Almond Milk."
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
So here I am.
Hanging out with my friend Stephanie Tolson.
Getting measured, getting my body fat measured ( sweet baby Jesus I can't even believe it! Get this thing away from me!) writing down that stupid number that shouldn't but can be so defeating when you look at it.
In a gym.
Doing ball squats.
Doing standing push ups.
Riding the stationary bike.
Short of breath, sweaty, but with my eye on the tiger.
Cause I'm the Queen of starting over.
I'm sharing this for a lot of reasons. I'm sharing it because since I was 12 I was obsessed with being skinny.
I have gained and lost enough pounds to probably equal a small army.
I starved, took pills, worked out obsessively, and dieted.
OH the diets....Cabbage diet, Dolly Parton Diet, Oprah's diets, Potato Diet, Atkins Diet, The Zone, all kinds of Doctor diets, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil. Dr. Feelgood. OK not Dr. Feelgood...
Eat for your blood type, eat right for the season, eat like the Bedouins, eat like Moses.
The Mediterranean diet, the regional diet, the South Beach diet.
I have danced with Richard Simmons, joined several gyms, Zumba-ed, Boombahed, worked out at home, Jazzercised in and out of the water. I have logged enough miles on a treadmill and stationary bike I could have circled the United States.
Ive been everything from a size 7 at my smallest to a size 26 at my highest and spent a fortune on clothes.
I have never felt like I was the right size. Even one summer when I was 18 and I got strep from starving myself and got down to 115 pounds for about ten minutes. I did know what it was like to have a flat stomach and get attention in a bikini to be Blondie and tan but never felt like I measured up. Not the way I thought I should.
I never had thigh gap, I never had those elevated collar bones, I never had those legs where you could see the knees and shin bones when you crossed them.
I have struggled so much especially the last ten years. I have been up and down ( mostly up actually) worked out with several different trainers all of them good at what they do incorporating dancing and boxing and working my ass off, keeping their game face on as I leaned over a trash bag gagging.
I got fit. I lost 45 pounds. I got strong. I could ride my bike for hours and enjoy it even though it was hard.
But at some point I always fall off the wagon.
My trainer retired to have a baby so I just quit. I just gave up and surrendered to that voice in my head that made all the excuses. Its too hot, its too cold, I'm too busy....I'm too tired.
I put the pounds back on and gave up.
But the other day I was thinking about how I missed riding my bike and being outside and feeling GOOD and heard this song and it was like a bolt out of the blue, heres what she said...
"The Queen of Starting Over" by Beverley Knight
"In every life a little rain must fall, there ain't nothing perfect, don't put yourself on hold, the earth is turning and it will turn again, I can tell you cause it happened to me child the world don't end,
I'm the Queen of starting over
you can put the crown on me
right on me
I'm the Queen of starting over
take your life where you want it to be
AND MAKE IT HAPPEN"...."
Sometimes things just come together you know?
My good friend Stephanie Tolson at Evolution Fitness told me she would be my personal trainer and get me back on track.
So here I am me and a heart filled with hope, and determination in my back pocket, starting over.
So if you'd like to follow my journey I'll be posting them as "The Queen of Starting Over".