Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Pool Watching 07/23/2009

So today was hot. Hotter than a firecracker, hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, hotter than hell. I don't really think so about the last one but I'm sayin it anyway.

Me and Conor went to the public pool today. Not to many people at first, but its interesting to people watch there. I am amazed at what people wear to the pool. A lady had on a t-shirt, a pair of sweat pants with the legs rolled up, and a skirt over it, oh and a bandanna on her head. She was a normal skin color not a albino. Has she not been listening to Al Gore? Doesn't she know the Earth has a fever and its REALLY warm so she does not need to dress like that?

And the guy in long sleeves and jeans with all of his kids. He was MEXICAN I have to say this, why is it always the Hispanic people wearing long sleeves to the pool? Its a P-O-O-L you will be wet, you can wear sunscreen, you already have color, lots of color. I could understand if you were a vampire pale kid like mine. He is covered in sunscreen and neoprene from neck to knee his SPF makes him look like Frosty the snowman only skinny its so full of Zinc Oxide. ( You know the white stuff lifeguards wore on their noses when you were a kid?)

Oh wait you might not know that if you were born after about 1987 or so. That was the birth of REAL SPF because all of those who had been laying out with the Iodine/Baby oil mixture on silver blankets or floating on pool rafts for hours on end, were suddenly being treated for Melanoma.
What we wanted to look like

See we didn't have the luxury of laying in a nice cool tanning bed that just cooks you in 10 minutes, 4 times a week. We did it the hard way. It took hours of tanning for us.

We could sing the jingle from the TV commercial "Bain De Soliel for the San Tropez Tan," because we all wanted to look like that bronze, exotic, sexy...But no it was a job. There was prep. Stacks of magazines, huge glasses of water, beach towels on top of aluminium lawn chairs because you didn't want the ants to get on your oily skin and stick to you and the radio. You had to have the radio. Because about every fifth song you had to roll your basted like a turkey in oil body over so you could be "even",  the KXXY DJ would say "Time to turn over all your tanners out there." It was like a sport. If you didn't have a pool you just doused yourself in the garden hose re oiled and started again. We even got competitive about it.

"What are you doing today?"
"Laying out."
"Oh really me too."
"Oh where?"
"At my house."
"Oh I'm going to my boyfriends."
"Oh well we are going to lay on aluminium foil."
"Well we have these special silver blankets we got at the store so you get burned evenly."
"Well we are going to lay out on the roof so we are closer to the sun and everything."

We were always trying to one up each other. Whoever had a sunburn scab on your nose was the winner. If it was a cloudy day on your weekend you were panicked because you were missing a lay out day. One time I burned my butt so bad I could not sit down for two days. I had to lay on my stomach the whole time. I peeled like the strings off of celery. But after all the peeling I was really dark and tan.

I learned my lesson finally. I was 24 and got such a bad sunburn after house sitting for a friend who had a pool that it left a scar and I was so freaked out.

So I totally went the other way. I never went out in the sun at all. I was so pale my friends nicknamed me the mushroom. I was constantly searching for the strongest SPF. I was like a junkie looking for the best high. I'd go in the store, "OOH look SPF 30, oh no wait this ones 55, AND its thick like candle wax, surely nothing can get through that!" I truly looked like a Bedouin until the sun went down. Everyone else looked pretty and tan. I looked like a frozen chicken. But its a HEALTHY white my sweet pasty friend would say. She was even worse than me. Covered in freckles and pasty too. We were the pair.

Finally after the evolutionary process of skin care I enjoyed a trip to Florida where I played and played outside and didn't burn once. I actually was outside without wearing so many clothes it looked like a Bourka. Its damn inconvenient to swim in a Bourka.

No comments:

Post a Comment