Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Bringing Sexy Back


I fell in love in Dillard's Lingerie Dept. I was 18 and looking for a new bra on the sale rack and there it was. A beautiful silk camisole and matching pantie in blue with taupe lace and a matching teddy. All on sale. All in my size. I was meant to have it. It was my new secret love.

Back when I was flirty and thirty  I worked for Clinique and had to wear that Long Serious looking Lab Coat all day every day it made me feel better to know I had on a red lacy push up bra on under it. It was not without mishaps however as one time I was walking through a cafe after lunch and my friend behind me said "You dropped something." And proceeded to hand me the  red pad or cookie as they were called that went in my bra in full view of everyone.  Mortified I decided I'd start wearing not padded bras to work. I would have been less embarrassed if it had fallen out in a bar. I could have just blamed it on someone else. "No what I don't know what that is some new kind of paper napkin?"


Its the 80's and I live in Florida and
my tall skinny beautiful friend Deb comes in and says" Look at my new underwear my  flavor of the month  boyfriend brought me."

  Curious I obligingly went into the bathroom and she pulls up her skirt and shows me the skimpiest undies I have ever seen in my life. Barely enough of a triangle to cover the front and a mere string up her backside. It looked like an eye patch if the eye was on a baby.

Me: "What the hell is that for real?"

Deb: "Yes its called a thong, and he bought me a bikini too."

Me: "A bikini?"

Deb: "Yep we are going to the beach tomorrow no more tan lines."

Me: " You are going to wear it in public?"

Deb " Well yes I look good in it."

After that it seemed like every time I went to the beach all I saw was thongs. My Mom went for a walk with me and this woman in front of us had one on and my mom so eleoquently described it "Walking behind Nine miles of bad road."

I decided then and there I would NEVER EVER wear one of those.

 Shooting forward its 2000 and I had been a mom for about 6 months and decided that I wanted to bring the sexy back for my sweet hubby. I went to the store and looking at the piles of silkies decided that well maybe I could just TRY to wear a thong. After all if I would not be wearing it every day just for date night. So I ask the lady "Do you wear these which one is most comfy?" she picks out a pair and assures me these are the most comfy and sexy my hubby will like them.

I go home spend all this time getting prettified for date night and put on the thong and the bra and it was not that bad. I don't look 18 but I look good I feel nice its all lacy and silky. Im looking in the mirror with my hands on my hips and  in walks my husband. He gets this grin on his face. Not a "OOOH Baby" grin more like a something hilarious grin. Now I'm annoyed.

Me: "Why are you grinning, do I look ridiculous?"

Him: "NO I just thought you hated thongs and would never wear one, swore you would never wear one."

I said "Ima try it out." as I pulled on my levis and my shirt.

Even the mannequin hates them
We go out and get in the car and they are already ridin up.  What felt like ninety pounds of fabric. I wiggled a little and when we got to the theatre I went to the bathroom and adjusted them that was all better and then went back out swearing I could get used to it.

 I sat down and there it was again.I realized it was because of the sitting down. I wiggled a little trying to get adjusted. I swiveled my butt on that seat like I was trying to polish it. If I'd been standing up I'd have looked like a hooch dancer in a sideshow. It felt like I had a sleeping bag in my pants.

 I finally went to the bathroom and took those damn wedgie monster butt floss panties off and put them in the trash. When I came back my hubby laughed and said "Feel better?  I said "Yep nothin but me and my Levis."


He said "Pass the popcorn SEXY." and winked.










Monday, August 12, 2013

Doing Epic Shit: The Yoga Class


So I love yoga but because I was trying to be SUPERMOM/WIFE/PETMOM

I let my practice slide. I found myself sore, sad, and impatient.

 When I did make it to class I'd be giddy I was so glad to be there. It was hard not to smile the entire time.
I'd make it just enough to feel awesome for a couple of days.  Then that slide back down to grumpy, stiff, yuckiness.

SO I had a little come to YOGI meetin with myself this weekend and decided NOT PUTTIN MYSELF on the backburner anymore.

Now then  I have to do modified versions of poses because of my knees and my size but today it was like I was Posessed by the most awesome bendy NESS! I was like a ballet dancer and Ghandi all rolled into one ( if they were a round middle aged pasty woman) it was a woopwoop moment. A place of quiet joy mixed with brief moments of I don't know how much longer I can do this and I hate when sweats gets in my eyes and I wonder if anyone can see my pants creepin up my butt.



I did this which has always been really hard for me because I have trouble with my knees but today I DID IT! It was hard, but it happened!

And then I flowed ( sort of if you call the crab scrabble flowing) into down dog I was so excited Ive never flowed and Ive never been able to sustain it for long  if I hadn't been concentrating so hard on staying up and breathing (and not letting my belly hang out) so I didn't flop on my face I'd have done a little happy jig.


 And then finally the BIG BIG TRIUMPH getting the brick under my ass all by myself today in the bridge pose! Its really hard to get my butt up very high and usually Yogi Sandi has to come over and time it just right where I give a big push and she quickly pushes the brick under sort of like labor and delivery if you have ever been there but but but but today I DID IT MY OWN SELF! It was all I had to keep from screaming "TAKE THAT YA SUMBITCH I DID IT ALL BY MY OWN SELF HA!

And I actually was able to do it better than usual I stayed up and it didn't hurt. My lower back felt funny because it WAS IN ALIGNMENT.

WHile I was leaving ,  I stayed calm til I got in the car and then I was doing a little happy dance and high fiving myself and pushing up the ceiling dance move.  Im celebrating the little things because today I realized THEY ARE THE BIG THINGS.

Monday, August 5, 2013

You can change everything...

Brand new school Carl Albert Jr. High, ( the school being new was NOT new we moved like a caravan of gypsies from the time I was in 4th grade.) but it was first time in JR HIGH.

 My mom had come home a few days before with a bag of clothes from  one of her friends who  had cleaned out her daughters closet and I picked carefully though them until I found the perfect outfit.
 A purple shiny pull over, a purple long vest buttons all down the front with a matching mini. It was just about the coolest (  that word was THE word when I was a kid ) outfit I had ever seen. AND I had a pair of purple shoes so I was going to look like a super mod majorly hip prettiest girl ever 7th grader.

Thank you for passing those clothes to a little girl who needed them.

 I was excited and hopeful and terrified all rolled into one big ball.  Sixth grade had been a nightmare year for me,  just a mess of  custody battles, moving from state to state and emotional drama and trauma. * I mean REAL TRAUMA not just preteen angst.  So when we moved to our pretty new apartment, and I heard so many good things about my new school I was really really excited. Because back then it was harder to beat down the optimism of a kid I think. We didnt have all the mega-tive ( hybrid word of my own making)  influences on TV and video games bombarding us 24/7 so we held up better I think.

That night when I went to bed I was so excited, I had my clothes all laid out and hot rollers ready to go with all my school stuff beside my little purse with the owl on it. I woke up before the alarm and jumped up out of bed, thinking I was late and went plowing into the living room and opened the front door to go to the bus stop when I heard a voice softly say "Hey Suzie where are you going?"

It was my Moms boyfriend who had gone to sleep on the couch. I turned and looked at him and realized I was sleepwalking! I was so embaressed I didn't know what to say. He just sent me back to bed (and never said anything else about it. EVER) and I was mortified. How could I have been such a dork? I almost walked out the door in a tee shirt and underwear. What if somebody had been out there and seen me? I pulled the covers over my head and the next thing I knew my mom was waking me up.

Thank you for not teasing me about being a dork.

It was a beautiful morning and I climbed on the bus with all the other kids, and when we got to school I managed to find my home room because all the teachers were standing outside the rooms to help us out. I went from class to class in this pretty new school and all I could think about was how happy I was.

Thank you for being so friendly to the perpetual new kid.

That first part of the year I was in heaven. I loved my art teacher. She was tall and pretty with glasses and lots of naturally curly red hair. She dressed like Julie in "The Mod Squad".  I drew a class assignment and she asked me if I had traced it and had me bring the magazine in I had looked at while I drew it. She liked it so much she hung it on the wall behind her desk.

Thank you for making me feel like Rembrandt.

I got finished early with my English so the teacher would give me a hall pass to go to the library. The librarian always  took the time to talk to me, find out what I liked and would reccomend books.  And because of her I read "The Hobbit" and two weeks later I dove into Tolkien like a bag of candy!

Thank you for opening the door to grand literature for me. It helped me become a writer...

One morning I started to get up out of my bus seat and realized I didnt have my purse. I searched all over, no purse, no lunch money, Moms going to kill me. I looked EVERYWHERE. I was the last one off and the Bus driver took one look at my face and knew something was wrong. She gave me lunch money for that day and then drove all the way back to the apartments on her own time, found my purse, and brought it to me at school and wouldn't let me pay her back.

Thank you for really seeing a scared kid and helping.

You never know whats going on with someone else especially kids. All those small acts of everyday kindnesses made a impact in my life. They made me feel like I was important and special and that I mattered.

When you do something kind for someone else it changes things.

Always.

You make the difference...