Wednesday, February 27, 2013

It aint my fault

So I have always had a really good imagination. I still do. I cant watch anything about ghosts at night because it makes me scared to go in the basement even with all the lights on. I just know that when I turn my back to the wall, reach out and turn out the light, bend to pick up the laundry basket something clammy and gross and scary is gonna snatch me by the shoulder into the dark. I can't tell you how many times I have barked my shins and toes running up the  concrete stairs, or worse made my husband go to the basement with me. I can't watch anything loosley based on true events about Demons because it freaks me out and makes me dream Im going to be have to fight a demon, it causes me to dream these dreams where I carry two giant bottles of  holy water and pour it on peoples heads or on dolls ( yes one dream was about dolls) or on anything really probably even pizza to drive out the evil and then when it comes out its all giant and black and loud and scary and I wake up feeling like Im about 9 years old again. One time I watched a fake documentary/movie  FAKE NOT REAL on a serial killer and laid awake the entire night wondering if I could possibly have pissed someone off in Jr. High enough to cause them to go around killing girls with blond curly hair named Suzie just to get satisfaction til they could find me.
I have done some crazy shit because I was scared. These are probably the top three.

Silence of the Lambs-Slept 3 nights in the closet with my cat

Blair Witch Project- Laid awake all night even tho Larry was right next to me.

Exorcist - Went all through my house praying , annointed the doorways (  I didnt know how it worked for holy oil so so I just prayed over some lemon  Oil furniture polish  and used it on the entire doorway)

But heres the deal. I really am going to blame my psychological damage on my cousins. See I didnt have any older brothers or sisters so I thought the cousins were the coolest people on the planet when I was 7 and loved being with them .

 My Mama took me on a trip to my Old Grannys house out in the country. My older cousins were there and in charge of taking care of me. Well after a full day of running wild through old barns, making mudpies, hiking through creeks and mud and weeds , you know all the fun stuff you do in the country, they checked me for ticks, washed me up real good and sat on the front porch with me.

They started telling scary stories. After about 5 minutes I said I dont want to hear this I want to go in, my cousin  took me to the back screened in porch where she said "Now run really fast so the under the bed monster cant get you, I'll keep watch!" I ran and jumped like a acrobat in the Cirque De Soliel and landed on that big high old fashioned bed. She turned out the light and went to the living room.

I'd been asleep for about an hour when all of a sudden I heard the most god awful noise and there was a monster outside clawing the screens trying to get in! First it was at the end of the porch, then the door, then the window by the bed. Well I screamed like a banshee. I screamed loud enough you could hear me across the county I was so scared I thought I'd pee the bed, and I couldnt escape because of the under the bed monster. There was a stampede of people running,  first in was my mama she had the broom, next was my Old granny who was carrying her cane like a sword and flipped on the light , and then all the cousins came running in hands over thier mouths eyes wide, guilty looks on thier faces. My Granny said "What is it, what happened?" I managed to sob out about the monster she turned on the outside light and then went out the back door. That really scared me (as my Aunt Glenda likes to say the pee waddlin cush outta me)  After a few seconds she came back in carrying "THE MONSTER". It had giant glowing green eyes, long sharp talons, a mouth full of teeth, and was purring up a storm. It was a huge long haired marmalade cat, my Aunts cat Taffy, who when she saw me in there, wanted me to let her in so she was crying and hanging off the screen. My granny plopped that cat on the bed and told me she would keep away any monsters, kissed me and turned out the light. I slept with that cat against me all night. I guess I figured if the under the bed monster came we would have a better chance two agsinst one:)

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

In it for life

This morning I was coming home on the highway and off to the side I could see this goose standing in the grass watching the cars go by. I thought why is it just standing there why doesn't it fly off and be with some other geese? Traffic was moving very slowly so as I got closer I was able to see why. She was standing guard over a lifeless feathered form. She stood very close as if watching for some movement to signal that her mate would rise up as if from a nap shake it off and join her again. But it was not so. I of course immediatly felt sad and because it IS sad when an animal gets hit by a car and because I know this,  Geese mate for life. She was not going to leave for a very long time, it would take awhile for her to realize he was not going to be alright. I thought about how amazing it was that a creature like a goose could be so devoted, so loyal, so loving...

I often wonder what is missing that we don't connect to each other that way?  My wonder was this if a little goose can love for life why can't people? Oklahoma is the number one state for divorce in the nation. This makes me think what is the problem? Is it because divorce is too easy or because people don't realize what a committed relationship is?

Its easy to love someone in the beginning, the honeymoon stage when you are so into each other you practically inhale each others breath 24/7. Im talking about later when REALITY comes along and knocks the gild off the lily. When you realize that your significant other is not perfect. But you know what, that person that you are looking at sitting over there in the comfy chair reading a book or watching TV...They can't read your mind if your not happy. And if your not happy are you telling them what you need? Maybe you just need to hear that they notice when you do all the things you do for the family, the home for them.  And maybe you need to tell them you notice as well instead of sitting around looking at everything wrong, maybe you need to talk about whats right, and how you can fix whats not.  Now this is not a judgment on people who really try to make a relationship work and have exhausted every avenue,  merely an observation on those who bail out at because it gets hard.

I hope that this Valentines day we all remember that person you chose because they were worthy and you were honored to be with them is still right there, maybe a  little weathered, but its still those beautiful eyes, those sweet lips and those loving hands you fell in love with in the beginning, and you are not rowing the boat gently down the stream alone....

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

No does not mean never

So yesterday I volunteered at the school in the office. I was presented with a stack of letters by the JR. High Counselor  Mr. Gene who I really like he is a leader in Boy Scouts.

Mr. Gene: "I need you to fold these heres an envelope so you know about how to fold them over."

Me: "Okay what are they?"

Mr. Gene: "They are the sorry letters." And he made a sad face.

Me: "Im gonna pray over this stack of letters today."

Mr. Gene: Smiles. "Really all of them?"

Me: "Yep."

This school only accepts about 120 kids a year. If I recall there were about 400 kids who applied last year. I recall it like yesterday. Its a Roller Coaster for sure for the kids and the families. And its hard when you get the sorry letter. Some of Conors friends got the sorry letter. We felt so bad for them. Its bittersweet for sure...

So as I folded I thought about all the kids who were hanging onto the dream of being there. How hard they had worked, how they and thier parents were hoping that this child and family would be the one chosen to be there. I thought about how sad they would be that it didnt happen and how they would now have to resort to and try to find a plan B. I wondered about whether the arts kids would just give up and quit trying. Whether the IB kids would decide not to push themselves because it didnt happen. I hoped not. I felt such a mix of feelings. I also realized we live in a society thats AFRAID to say Sorry not this time.  In some  events every kid gets a medal just for showing up. Wow. So how does that teach them to FIGHT HARDER, GET SMARTER, KEEP GOING NO MATTER WHAT? I did feel really sorry. It hurt my heart that we dont have room for all the kids to go there. But it is what it is...So Heres what I prayed and thought " God I know that we all enjoy a calm place in our life where everything goes steadily along with little surprises and pleasantries and life is like a calm sea before us.  However we are merely lumps of unformed clay unless we are faced with some adversity in our life. We form a bigger charactor , when we are faced with difficult circumstances we engage our mind and our heart and call on strengths we didnt know we had, precious virtues and gifts that never would have been awakened without the scoring of our lives by adversity. How much more precious are the wondrous events and people who will be brought about through this, God Bless the leaders and gifts that will be formed by this letter. God Bless the families who will become even closer and stronger by going through this together. God Bless those who will step up to comfort, mentor and lead. Thank you Lord for this priviledge to pray for these people. Amen.