Wednesday, November 20, 2013


Me with a halo Just Because

So my good friend and Mento or Mentor whatever,  Heather Smith Davis AKA Minivan Momma AKA inventor of things to do to embarrass your kids and freak out other folks in the school pick up lane posted on her facebook  wall that I won. I told everybody I won all three of these funny books she wrote  (which she said if she actually hadn't sold every single copy she would have given me just because she thinks I'm the bees knees)  and then embarrassed myself when I found out it was really a virtual award where I was honored to be mentioned and promoted on her blog as somebody you should read. Well that will teach you to always read everything all the way though first!  I'm meeting the requirements of this accolade today!

And now I have to fill out all these questions and  you can see how FREAKIN WITTY I am.

1. What celebrity would you want to be BFFS with?

Elizabeth Taylor. She was beautiful, smart, had a really raunchy sense of humor, and she lived life on
her own terms. I know she had some stories and I know she would have let me wear some of that jewelry while we hung out and went thru her photo albums and closets and houses. I bet I could have talked her out of that Cleopatra headdress....

2. What style of underwear do you prefer?

I'd prefer dainty silky little gossamer wisps of butterfly wings. Or maybe slinky leopard print  with diamonds. NO THONGS ( see my blogpost Bringing sexy back ) But no,  I have to wear stretchy no VPL ( visible panty line) underwears called lovees or cushies or some stupid name like that. It translates to  "Underwear for women who have big butts and don't want to pull their panties out of there all damn day."

3. What kind of candy is hidden in your house right now?

Well there is no candy. I repeat NO CANDY hidden in this house. But there was some Dark Chocolate Almond Milk hidden behind a giant jar of pickles till my husband found it. I then was forced to drink it all before he drank it all and now I have nothing. OK I can't lie. I have Oreos hidden. But I will not divulge the whereabouts because then I have to fight off my kid AND my husband.

4. Karaoke Night - you and me- what do we sing together?

Well after we drink about three pitchers of beer I like to get everybody stirred up with a  rousing round of "Up against the wall Redneck Mother" because its a song where everybody will sing along and hide the fact that I can carry a microphone but can't carry a tune. And then after that warm up we can try "Cherry Pie " by Warrant while twirling our bras over our heads.

5. Celebrity Wife Swap - Which Celebrity would you swap with?
Actually I would not mind swapping with Ellen. Because Ellen is so cute and friendly and
I could just go live in one of her houses for two weeks we would have dance parties and I'd get to go to all of her shows and she could keep me laughing with her stand up routine when she wasn't at work because it s all about me all the time ya know...

6. What was the last thing you bought at a thrift store?

I found this most awesome celery green bag with all kinds of cute embellishments and buckles and pockets and slots. I was stoked because it fit right up under my arm. I was so excited. And then I found the changing pad. A DIAPER BAG?!  HA! Its big eveything fits in there even my lunch and  I'll tell ya that little baby bottle slot fits my sippy cup of Vodka and Orange Juice just fine...

7. Have you ever broken the law?

Well yes. I think. Does sneaking a glass bottle of Corona onto the beach where it says no glass count as breaking the law?

8. When was the last time you vacuumed your home?

Well my house is all hard wood floors. So I sweep. I sweep up dustfurballs that are as big as your head. But if you come across a house elf/ Roomba hybrid let me know I'll buy it.

9. Whats your go to meal when you can't think of anything to cook?

Popcorn. Or Cheerios. I just tell the family to pretend we are in a Zombie Apocolypse so hunker down and chew quiet.

10. In what ways have you turned into your mother?

I repeat myself constantly. Especially to my husband and son. And then after they sigh and roll their eyes I say "Oh did I already tell you that? Sorry I don't have any mind left after keeping track of your schedules, the house schedules, the two dogs, the cat, my job , oh and ME on the bottom as usual. So OY FREAKIN VEY!"

11. What things did you forsake to complete this blogpost?

Well I was able to push back my massage appointment with "The Rock" he said he was happy to keep the champagne chilled and the massage cream hot. *WINK*

Here's a list of Bloggers I love to read!

Some of my sweet alumni sisters from Listen To Your Mother 2013

HEATHER SMITH DAVIS - Minivan Momma ( Funny and real! She admitted on Dr. Oz that she pees in the shower.)

MARI FARTHING- Maris Virtual Notebook ( She writes about EVERYtHinG! Even riding out the Moore tornado with her two brave kids!)

BRANDI ( I love Brandi's glimpses into her life, she's the beautiful girl in the black dress and high heels playing tag in the park with her kids)

SHERADEE SCOTT HURST- ( She's great talent at photography, a beautiful family, a gifted writer, she has it all! Now if she can just remember where she put it...)

JENNIFER MCMURRAIN- A moment of Jen- ( Shes a published writer who covers everything from depression era Oklahoma, to poking fun at herself and her favorite subject "Baby Girl")


BRIAN DAVIS- Future Former Fat Man ( Brian writes about his  journey from couch potato to fitness and health seeker. Its inspiring and he's dragging his wife and kids right along with him which is even better!)

RYAN MCLAUGHLIN- The wonderfully Made Life ( Ryan writes this blog to honor her special needs daughter Ellie Kate who was a bright spot and inspired so many before she left us last year. It follows her journey with her amazing beautiful boys, her wonderful family, her special needs daughter Lucy, and her work advocating for NKH children and families everywhere.)

And last but not least my friend MARLA HANSEN, who inspired me to start writing my own blog after I read hers. Its full of dysfunctional family members, Dark humour, love, life, its epic.