Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Right there

Some days its just hard.

Tired of  housework and laundry and grocery store and cleaning a really old house with thousand year old dirt in it that seems to come back the next day.

Tired of feeling ashamed because the Vet says "You need to do this treatment for your dogs", and I have to say "I can't afford it." And I feel really crummy...

Tired of working to get my second business going and not seeing results.

Tired of being afraid and anxious.

Tired of feeling sorry for myself.....

Just tired of all of it. Just feeling thirsty and tired like I've been walking a dusty dirty road for a long time...

So I go sit on the porch, and put my arm around my Cali dogs neck and bury my face in her fur that smells, like good dirt and grass, and musky dog smell, and listen to her breathe and feel her warm.

I feel her  breath on my face and I look through her eyes at the top of the trees blowing the leaves and branches rattle, I lift my nose and I smell the rain coming on the wind and feel the dampness on my skin.

I'm listening to the wind and hearing the rain fall on the top of the tin garden decoration drumming and drops pour from the leaves and run down the rain chain and the smell of wet concrete fills my nose.

And my Cali buries her head in my chest and I'm in the minute not thinking of all the things making me tired just being being the rain and the breeze and the dog and feeling of  heaviness lifting from my back and shoulders and my heart feels a little lighter.

How do you quench your thirst?

With the love of a good dog

with the the simpleness of the rain

with accepting you can't change some things they just are what they are

with being grateful and wanting what you have right there in your life

right there....

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Butler Trailer 2013 Oprah & Forest Whitaker Movie - Official [HD]

 Today I took my Mom and my 13 year old son to see this movie.

As we watched I cried.

 I cried A LOT.

I cried that so many people had to suffer for the right to not be treated less than animals.

That when I was born and a little girl they were STILL fighting to be treated as equals.

 I am disturbed that so many of the young people of these times do not understand the sacrifices that were made for them to have the freedoms that only FIFTY years ago were still being fought for.

 I think everybody ESPECIALLY young people  should go see this.

Should go and understand it was not just the Freedom Riders, and Martin Luther King and Malcolm X who were the movers of this time.

 It was the hard working people who worked to bring about change with dignity and quiet force like this man who was THE BUTLER....

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

the mask

WHO is that?

We all hide at some point

Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about how we don't  speak to each other much anymore. 

I'm guilty. Sometimes I'm busy or doing something and don't want to be interrupted or about to go to sleep and its just 

easier to send a text or a email to the person I'm thinking about than to call them and then actually speak to them about 

whatever  the thought or idea or answer to a question might be . 

But one of the problems is the nuance of speaking is lost,  the feeling, the inflection, so much information that's passed 

just through the actual voice. 

I have been dealing with my sons teachers by email. I have found that some of them are very concise and pass 

information on very effectively. Others leave me bewildered like I just witnessed a flying saucer  in front of my car.  

After emailing five or six times I think, "This would be so much easier if I could just SPEAK to them and make sure I 

understand what they are telling me."  But I understand they have been dealing with kids and school all day they need a 

break from face to face and that's why you make an appointment if you want to talk. I totally get it.

And I have good friends that I keep up with by text and face book.  It makes it easier to stay in touch you can send a 

funny picture or pass on news or say I need a virtual hug I'm having a crappy day and they can all jump in and reach out.

We have girlie get togethers about three times a year and get caught up on our stuff and have a great time acting like we 

all are in Jr. High again. 

But recently we all got into a serious   confrontation about expectations of friendship ( which is another blogpost) we 

were all messaging back and forth and it got heated up and I thought to myself "THIS is not a discussion for 

face book for Gods sake, this is a knee to knee , face to face, heart to heart  discussion we should all be having with each 

other not talking  about on a computer!" I decided to let it be known in the most loving way I was not going to discuss 

serious shit like that unless we were all together.  It was pretty quiet after that. 

I read recently that even with social media people are more depressed and lonly than ever because they don't actually 

SEE anybody. Its a sense of disconnection because of how we are all hiding behind a mask of technology for a better 


I don't want to be behind that mask of anonymity. So if  I call you its because I want to have a heart to heart voice to voice maybe even face to face knee to knee gift of your time, your thoughts, your presence. Because isn't that what it truly is