Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Mullett Stalking

The Roadie Mullett. Found in a music oriented habitat such as Bars, or Concerts. Is reclusive but can be drawn out with musical instruments and electronics.  Most often will be seen in the company of other males of the species peeping out from backstage or around equipment trying to single out intoxicated females who can be lured into thier dens with promises of getting backstage to meet Lynard Skynard.

Papa Mullett
Mama  Mullett.
Spotted in Flea Markets, Big family parties, Parks, and bodies of water.  They are are very proud of thier offspring and will gather in large groups every weekend  with many family members always singing the song of thier people loudly. Also love to swim and can be seen with pods of little ones  hanging off their  bodies as they rise from the water.

The Elusive 70s

The friendliest of the species  they are spotted often wearing the same tribal clothing for years usually levis and rock and roll concert t-shirts.  Though they do come out in the day to forage,  they tend to gather in groups in dark bars with lots of bikes parked outside and  will be seen performing intricate mating rituals the playing of air guitar and drums and  of trading dances for drinks of the alcoholic type with females of the Elusive 70s tribe. The female is distinguished from the male by physical endowments displayed with cleavage, tight jeans,  elaborate face painting consisting of lots of liner and wearing a dowery of rings on every finger.

Monday, September 2, 2013

The HAD TO winner

 I was looking forward to being a total bum today. Stay in PJs til ALL DAY. But I realized we were out of milk. So I HAD TO go to the store. HAD TO take a shower, HAD TO get dressed, just grabbed some random comfy clothes ( my most loose pair of sweat pants)  out of the laundry basket and headed for Buy For Less.

Hardly anybody in parking lot or store WINNER! Head to the back with my basket so I could get in and outta there like a one night stand. I grab my dairy and as I'm going around the corner I feel this snapping sensation. The elastic waistband on my underwear has just popped. TOTALLY POPPED. I think no big deal I'm going straight home I'll just jam outta here. But with every step I take they roll down. Its worse if I walk very fast. I think I'll just turn down the aisle where no one is and pull those suckers up. Nuh uh. Every aisle has someone on it. There are only 20 people shopping but there is a person on every aisle. Meanwhile they are rolled down so far I feel like I have a bandage across my butt. The bad part is they started pulling my PANTS OFF because as luck would have it I had also grabbed my loosey goosey waist pants too.

See I could not discreetly pull on them I was going to have to GO IN AFTER THEM with both hands like a search and rescue mission. Finally I get to a  hiding spot and pull them up. I'm holding the waist of my sweats with both elbows, and trying to push the basket,  But no they are not going to stay up. I do however manage to get to the check out. I'm walking like I have a pencil skirt on trying to keep my pants  from falling completely off. I felt like one of those Geisha's with the hobbled feet like a Geisha if she was a middle aged, no make up, wet hair, sweat pant wearin lady who was trying to hurry up and get the hell outta Dodge.

I get to the lot and my car looks like its a mile and a half away. Once again I'm doing my silly Geisha walk. I get to the car and wouldn't you know it the entire Flores family which I know was their name because they had it in GINORMOUS letters across the back of the windshield,  pull up next to me and start piling out so I could not adjust anything.  I just put the bags in and after the exodus from the truck ( I swear it was like a clown car I believe they had a entire village in there)  I jump in and sigh and get all adjusted and right as I'm getting ready to put my seat belt on I look and there is a little kid and a Grandma Flores standing next to my car looking in the window like I am the biggest weirdo in the world.

They just HAD TO see all that,  and I HAD TO BURST OUT LAUGHING!

They ran away and I laughed like a crazy person all the way home.

I'm the HAD TO winner of the day...