Monday, December 30, 2013

Gone Baby Gone 2013

Time to think about the good the bad and the ugly of this past year.

The good,  well I did two big things in my do epic shit list, I did the COLOR ME RAD 5K with my

boy and I performed an original piece of writing in the First "Listen To Your Mother Show " in OKC.

That ranks right up there with gettin married and having a baby in my book.

All my homegirls were there and my hubby and son who had been my biggest cheerleaders!

My Texas folks and Florida girls got to come visit and they are a entertaining bunch for sure. Except for

Suni falling into the rose bush that part was not fun for anybody.

My Cousin Karen and her Hubby came through Oklahoma and it was so good to connect with my

Dads side of the family. They are lovely people and I'm sorry they live so far away in Yankee land.

 Had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Texas and all my family and my good friend Dolly came to my

house for Christmas day dinner.

I am relearning to live in the moment and be spontaneous like when I was a kid sometimes I forget how

fun that was because I'm so busy worrying about what might happen and being prepared in case

something goes wrong. Working on that one. Learning to trust. Learning to trust God and my own

heart to tell me when to say this is OK but this is not.

The bad. Well I guess Conor falling off the bridge and getting the concussion was the baddest thing. He

had a concussion and being in the ER with him and him not knowing for sure what month it was and

his scared little face that was bad.  Him just resting for 6 weeks he thought that was bad. We laid on my

bed and I read to him allot to keep him entertained that first two weeks ( but that belongs in the good

part*wink*) he hated not being able to skateboard, swim, and climb trees so he was hard to keep still.

But it could have been even more bad and it wasn't which I'm so grateful for.

This was Conors year for concussions, horrible sunburns, Sinus infections, hand sprains and thumb


The ugly.... I don't know if anything really ugly happened but I spent more than my share doing the

ugly crying this year.

Its been a emotional year, my son is a teenager and wants to push those boundaries, I have to deal with

counselors and teachers at his school and its always a delicate dance of how to be firm and assertive but

polite too, when you really want to go charging in like a Rhino...

Finding the balance for allowing him to work things out or stepping in.

Also learning to not depend on others for affirmation, being patient  with myself and others , setting

boundaries, giving myself and others grace. The grace of  releasing of my expectations, my ideas  of

how relationships and  friendships should be and letting go of that. Giving space and grace I need that

tattooed on my forehead.

Realizing growth is messy and kind of like a garden that gets torn up and tilled to bring out the bad so

the good can grow.

So here's a big Thank you to all the good, the bad, and the ugly that makes up my life because it softens

those edges and makes life shiny like a big ole diamond.

And a thank you to you, all of you have come in to shape this year of 2013 because as my friend Skip

says "When the student is ready the teacher will come." And aren't we all just doing both of those things

for each other? I love y'all, all y'all.

Hope your new year goes out with a big, bright, sparkly, BANG<3

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Grandma Power

Bobbie and Conor
So Christmas Day was winding down everyone was gathering thier stuff together to go home. All of us big girls ( my sisters)  were in the living room and one of the kids got in trouble for being sassy to thier Mama from me ( it takes a sassy to know a sassy right? Am I right?) . My Mom jumps in and declaring absolute matriarchial power stops us from getting onto the sassy pants declaring not everybody gets to get onto her at once because Grammas are always right you know when it comes to the  grandkids.

Thats why I am so glad of my moms special Grandma powers. She has known my son literally since the day he was born. He stayed with her all the time when he was a baby and I worked. They are ABSOLUTE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. And thats the way it should be. Every kid should have a gramma who thinks they are perfect and amazing and will have a adventure whether they are at the comic book store, or watching Dr. Who or just turning somersaults in the grass because Gramma will cheer like they are in the Olympics.

My mom never misses a play even though the place was like 1000 degrees inside, comes to every concert and takes Conor on dates as often as he is out of school. She calls him and talks to him on the phone all the time. She always asks if he can come stay with her when he's out of school and sometimes its bonus and he gets all the cousins too.

Because of her super Gramma powers I never worry about him when he's there. I know he's safe. He's happy. He is having a good time.

So its been quiet around here. The only yelling was me and Larry fussing over how to put the sheets on the bed the other night. I watched a little TV with Larry and then headed upstairs. But before I went to bed   I stopped and looked at Conors bed and saw a little bear my Mom had given him on his birthday. A little green Shamrock bear. It will remind him of her. I thought about how wonderful it was that those two they are bonded forever. Because even when she is not here anymore Conor will always have those memories and that love she gives him will still be there because SUPER GRAMMA POWERS last forever.....

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A friend for the end of the world

This week because of school being closed for snow days I got to hang out with my son.

We did some housework ( he helped me and I was behind him watching him lift some things into the


we read, drank hot cider, and watched a movie called "Looking for a friend for the end of the world."

I had been wanting to see it and he INSISTED on watching it with me. My boy will watch

romance/comedy with me where his Dad usually won't. Larry opted out with "I don't wanna watch

something depressing about the end of the world." So Dad went to bed and Conor I started watching.

it had some very funny parts where we died laughing  but then came a part of the movie where their is a

sacrifice of such love and kindness, a reconciliation between father and child ( which I have some huge

daddy issues and those things always move me deep inside) and a selfless act of love I of course burst

into tears and sob hysterically on the couch.

Conor: "Mom I told you it had a part you were gonna cry."

Me:" I know,  I know, its just oh now he's alone again and its the end of the world and WAAAHHHH."

Conor: "Mom its going to be OK."

Me: "I know sniff- jerk- breathe,  I know,  its just WAAAHHHH."

Conor gets out of his chair comes to the sofa with the box of Kleenex and leans over to me putting my 

head on his shoulder and patting me on my back while I cry. All the while he says "Mom it will be OK 

it all works out I promise." I blew my nose, pulled myself together  and restarted the movie. Then he 

hands me the Kleenex box plops next to me and puts his arm around me for the rest of the movie.

I rested my chin on top of his head and thought  about how this time his comforting had been different.

He sounded like a adult. His kneeling posture, his gentle strength, his calm voice. The table has turned

a bit. He will always be my child but tonite he stepped up and became my SON.  A glimpse of the fine

man he will be. I prayed that he would be able to be like that with his wife and children. gentle, strong,

kind, loving.

Oh and he was right. It did all work out beautifully at the end...

Tick Tock its crazy dog time...

 My dogs make me crazy. I do crazy things to cope with them.

I don't bang the back door three times before I let the dogs out because I have OCD. I do it because

about 2 months ago at approximately 5:30 A.M. I let the dogs out to potty and they discovered a cat

hiding under a bush.  Now the cat being smart  took off. The only problem is both of them took off as

well across the next front yard, through the giant hedge, and into the next back yard. Knowing that cat

was toast if they caught it I ran screeching right behind them barefoot and in Pajamas,  wildly yelling at

them,  " NO NO CALI ROBYN COME BACK BEFORE I KILL YOU!"  Luckily the cat got away,

and I caught them before they got into the next county.  But not before every light on my block came

on and heads were peeping out as I slunk and limped back to my house muttering bad words as I

dragged Cali back to the house by her collar while Robyn trotted along behind like the conquering

victor. All of this went down in less than a minute and I'm sure everyone was not ready to get out of

bed yet.

Every Saturday at noon the Sirens go off. This makes the dogs howl. Well Cali howls and Robyn

sounds like a unoiled gear on a car that needs a brake job. This goes on for about 3 minutes.

Sometimes it followed by a round of barking as well. In their minds they are singing you the

song of their people.  I would just advise you to put on some Led Zeppelin at about five til Noon and

turn it up really loud. Or wear headphones. Or just leave.

This also happens if you get up to go to the bathroom upstairs at night or in the morning, or if everyone

comes home you can hear this cacophony coming through the walls of the house as you close the car


We also experience the one  Yorkie a leaping at the window in front as I come up the walk. It does not

matter if I have been gone for 5 minutes or 5 hours. Its the leaping at one window, and the entire body

wag of Cali at the other...Along with the screech, howl, bark, opera.

Then there is the litany of Potty time. When I go to the door the Yorkie, Robyn.  starts leaping in the air

and bouncing off my butt like "Dog de Soliel" . Cali the Cattle dog spins around and pushes her nose

into the back of my knees. This leaves me squished against the door. Then the next part,  it starts out

with the 3 bang of the back door, the dogs running out and the run around the fence 4 times, crash

through the bushes and dry leaves, trample through the leaves some more smelling everything, stop

and pee, then walk around for 5 minutes finding a place too, well, you know poo. I don't understand

the mystery decision of the perfect spot to poo because it changes every damn day. Sometimes its easy

out- go- back to the door.  Other days its back and forth over the yard a couple of hundred times ,

Chase a squirrel, chase a squirrel,  mill around in a tight spot 3 times, nope that's not it, back to smelling

around more. All the while I'm saying "Potty, lets potty come on ya'll its potty time, please potty." Then

I switch to "Go go better hurry, lets go better hurry, no Robyn get back here, no come, Robyn Robyn

don't poop on their driveway come back here you little ROBYN  GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

Meanwhile Cali is still searching for her perfect Nirvana of place to poo and I say"HURRY UP CALI"

20 times and Finally...


The cat is for another time...

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Oh Chrismas Tree Oh Christmas Tree....

The Christmas tree debacles.

I have heard some great Christmas tree stories from my husband.

When he was a teenager he was putting the REAL Christmas tree up in the room for his mom.

He had to haul it up the stairs, covered in sap sticking to everything clothes, hair, skin...

Then he had to put it up for her.

If I remember correctly he was underneath it trying to adjust the little watering pan when a rat fell out of

the tree onto him and caused mass hysteria in the house. He screamed trapped under the tree with a rat

on him, his brother screamed and ran away leaving Larry to deal with the rat.

 I don't know who was more scared Larry or the rat. I wish someone could have caught that on film.

I bet it was better than Christmas Vacation.

The other great story was when his Mom talked him into putting lights up in the Palm Tree outside of

the Florida house. Now just in case you didnt know most palm trees are not like the ones you see that

are all smooth and easy to get up. Like in the movies? NOPE,  Nope. This one had rough bark and

stickers all over it and the fronds were really poky and it was TALL. After hours spent in that tree,

swearing and sweating and covered in scratches his Mom had her twinkly Palm Tree and was happy.

Right after we were married we took my Mom to Guthrie to buy her a real tree. We found the perfect

little tree and Larry wrestled it in to the trunk and bungee corded and hogtied it in.

He then carried it into the trailer and after moving it around three or four times to find the "right spot"

he got it in the living room and cut the string holding it. When those branches came down it was so

round and full there was hardly any room left for us. But he stayed there all day with me and helped my

Mom get all her decorations out and do the tree. Afterwards we all stood back and admired that perfect

tree and I looked at my husband who glanced over the top of my Mom's head ( who was just gushing

about her tree) and gave me a wink and a smile. After we got in the car I thanked him for helping and

he said "Hey that was the easiest tree ever!"

The things boys will do for thier moms...

Sunday, November 24, 2013

reck-less adjective /'re-kles/ : marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences

This was something I wrote to my friend Ryan yesterday-

I know. I know, you SAID "Love Recklessly" was supposed to start December 1st but a teachable moment presented itself and I had to share it.

Me and Conor were in line at the grocery and the fellow in front of us was having a conversation with the clerk he was telling her what to "put back" because he only had $35.00.
I leaned over and whispered " Would you mind if we helped you by paying for those things?"
He was delighted and said "Not at all I'd appreciate it that's great, someday you'll get paid back."
I answered "I already have."

As we watched him walk off to the Bus Stop with his groceries Conor said "That was nice Mom I'm glad you did that, but why did you say you were already paid back?'
I wanted him to know about being open to Gods love though giving so i shared this story with him.

When I moved back to OKC from Florida in 91 all I had was a bed, a TV, my cat, and my clothes. My grandparents gave me some dishes and linens. But I was eating rice. Lots and lots of rice.

One of the ladies at work, Judy, asked me all the time to go to lunch with her but I couldn't because i didn't have the money so I'd thank her and tell her I brought my lunch. So she started eating with me in the lunchroom.

"Day one: tomatoes and rice that looks good. Day two : tomatoes, cheese, and rice kinda mexicany. Day three: Apples and rice I would never have thought of that." ( Judy's comments each day)
By day four she finally said "Suzanne don't you have anything at your house besides rice?" I said "Nope Judy that's it I just don't have a lot of money right now so I eat rice because its better than Ramen all the time!" And then I laughed.

The next two days she was at a different store so I didn't see her but we worked together the next week.
It was really cold and Christmas Eve. Everybody was hurrying to go home and celebrate and it had been a LONG, LONG, LONG day. Judy asked me to help her carry some stuff to her car so i did and when she opened up her trunk it was FULL of grocery sacks, she said "These groceries are for you Merry Christmas."

I cried my eyes out in the parking garage of Penn Square as we put all those groceries in my car.

I wanted Conor to see how God gives us opportunities to love on people in ways we would never know if we don't pay attention. God Bless you and I hope you have a peaceful day with your family."

This post is dedicated to LOVING RECKLESSLY will you answer the call?

Please visit my friend Ryan's blog to see how you can honor special needs children and their families this month!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


Me with a halo Just Because

So my good friend and Mento or Mentor whatever,  Heather Smith Davis AKA Minivan Momma AKA inventor of things to do to embarrass your kids and freak out other folks in the school pick up lane posted on her facebook  wall that I won. I told everybody I won all three of these funny books she wrote  (which she said if she actually hadn't sold every single copy she would have given me just because she thinks I'm the bees knees)  and then embarrassed myself when I found out it was really a virtual award where I was honored to be mentioned and promoted on her blog as somebody you should read. Well that will teach you to always read everything all the way though first!  I'm meeting the requirements of this accolade today!

And now I have to fill out all these questions and  you can see how FREAKIN WITTY I am.

1. What celebrity would you want to be BFFS with?

Elizabeth Taylor. She was beautiful, smart, had a really raunchy sense of humor, and she lived life on
her own terms. I know she had some stories and I know she would have let me wear some of that jewelry while we hung out and went thru her photo albums and closets and houses. I bet I could have talked her out of that Cleopatra headdress....

2. What style of underwear do you prefer?

I'd prefer dainty silky little gossamer wisps of butterfly wings. Or maybe slinky leopard print  with diamonds. NO THONGS ( see my blogpost Bringing sexy back ) But no,  I have to wear stretchy no VPL ( visible panty line) underwears called lovees or cushies or some stupid name like that. It translates to  "Underwear for women who have big butts and don't want to pull their panties out of there all damn day."

3. What kind of candy is hidden in your house right now?

Well there is no candy. I repeat NO CANDY hidden in this house. But there was some Dark Chocolate Almond Milk hidden behind a giant jar of pickles till my husband found it. I then was forced to drink it all before he drank it all and now I have nothing. OK I can't lie. I have Oreos hidden. But I will not divulge the whereabouts because then I have to fight off my kid AND my husband.

4. Karaoke Night - you and me- what do we sing together?

Well after we drink about three pitchers of beer I like to get everybody stirred up with a  rousing round of "Up against the wall Redneck Mother" because its a song where everybody will sing along and hide the fact that I can carry a microphone but can't carry a tune. And then after that warm up we can try "Cherry Pie " by Warrant while twirling our bras over our heads.

5. Celebrity Wife Swap - Which Celebrity would you swap with?
Actually I would not mind swapping with Ellen. Because Ellen is so cute and friendly and
I could just go live in one of her houses for two weeks we would have dance parties and I'd get to go to all of her shows and she could keep me laughing with her stand up routine when she wasn't at work because it s all about me all the time ya know...

6. What was the last thing you bought at a thrift store?

I found this most awesome celery green bag with all kinds of cute embellishments and buckles and pockets and slots. I was stoked because it fit right up under my arm. I was so excited. And then I found the changing pad. A DIAPER BAG?!  HA! Its big eveything fits in there even my lunch and  I'll tell ya that little baby bottle slot fits my sippy cup of Vodka and Orange Juice just fine...

7. Have you ever broken the law?

Well yes. I think. Does sneaking a glass bottle of Corona onto the beach where it says no glass count as breaking the law?

8. When was the last time you vacuumed your home?

Well my house is all hard wood floors. So I sweep. I sweep up dustfurballs that are as big as your head. But if you come across a house elf/ Roomba hybrid let me know I'll buy it.

9. Whats your go to meal when you can't think of anything to cook?

Popcorn. Or Cheerios. I just tell the family to pretend we are in a Zombie Apocolypse so hunker down and chew quiet.

10. In what ways have you turned into your mother?

I repeat myself constantly. Especially to my husband and son. And then after they sigh and roll their eyes I say "Oh did I already tell you that? Sorry I don't have any mind left after keeping track of your schedules, the house schedules, the two dogs, the cat, my job , oh and ME on the bottom as usual. So OY FREAKIN VEY!"

11. What things did you forsake to complete this blogpost?

Well I was able to push back my massage appointment with "The Rock" he said he was happy to keep the champagne chilled and the massage cream hot. *WINK*

Here's a list of Bloggers I love to read!

Some of my sweet alumni sisters from Listen To Your Mother 2013

HEATHER SMITH DAVIS - Minivan Momma ( Funny and real! She admitted on Dr. Oz that she pees in the shower.)

MARI FARTHING- Maris Virtual Notebook ( She writes about EVERYtHinG! Even riding out the Moore tornado with her two brave kids!)

BRANDI ( I love Brandi's glimpses into her life, she's the beautiful girl in the black dress and high heels playing tag in the park with her kids)

SHERADEE SCOTT HURST- ( She's great talent at photography, a beautiful family, a gifted writer, she has it all! Now if she can just remember where she put it...)

JENNIFER MCMURRAIN- A moment of Jen- ( Shes a published writer who covers everything from depression era Oklahoma, to poking fun at herself and her favorite subject "Baby Girl")


BRIAN DAVIS- Future Former Fat Man ( Brian writes about his  journey from couch potato to fitness and health seeker. Its inspiring and he's dragging his wife and kids right along with him which is even better!)

RYAN MCLAUGHLIN- The wonderfully Made Life ( Ryan writes this blog to honor her special needs daughter Ellie Kate who was a bright spot and inspired so many before she left us last year. It follows her journey with her amazing beautiful boys, her wonderful family, her special needs daughter Lucy, and her work advocating for NKH children and families everywhere.)

And last but not least my friend MARLA HANSEN, who inspired me to start writing my own blog after I read hers. Its full of dysfunctional family members, Dark humour, love, life, its epic.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Art and life

On the morning my son was born the automatic hospital bed got stuck on the highest setting and would not come back down. Myself being in the throes of serious hard labor did not give a shit where the bed was in space and  just wanted to get the sideways watermelon that was stuck in there to come OUT NOW.
 My amazing Star Fleet Capt  labor nurse Monica just pulled a little step stool up to the end of the bed and dove in coaching me and my hubby though a labor that felt like I was going to have a baby pop out of my spine, and a epidural that didn't take til AFTER the labor was over. She did manage to shoot something in the line that made me feel much better right at the end.

Monica: Feeling better?

Me: Oh yeah can I have some more of that that's marvelous...

Monica: Um no we want Conor to be breathing when he comes out.

The Dr. arrived right as Conor was crowning and started doing this thing to stretch me out and I yelled at him "WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT I WANT MONICA!!!"

They realized he had the cord around his neck and mid push said "Stop stop!" I thought "How do your stop a runaway train going down hill?  I Can't!"
Larry says in his sternest voice "STOP SUZANNE!"
 So I did, I stopped pushing while they moved the cord from around his neck so he could breathe.

 I fell back and thought "I just can't do it." My precious mother leaned over and took my face in her hands and said" Just one more push honey he's almost here come on..." I really didn't have any choice as that Tsunami came about and she was right out he plopped into the hands of the Dr. standing on the step stool at the end of the bed.

They hustled that little blue baby boy over to the table and started in on him rubbing and jostling and giving oxygen. I was so scared and tired and I kept saying " I don't hear him..." Finally he cried. And cried and cried...
Finally his Daddy put his hand on him and said "Don't cry Conor." And he quit.

I got to hold him for a minute and it was a slice of heaven, I smiled at Larry and my parents happy the baby didn't come out of my spine or look like a watermelon just like a little smushed up baby burrito. I was not hurting much just really TIE-RED.
Those drugs were goo-ood. They made me feel like I was all floaty so  I had a nap with my mouth open and drooling  while a maintenance guy came and tried to get the bed down.

Next thing I know Monica is telling me I have to get out of bed and go get cleaned up. The epi had kicked in and my legs felt like a bowl of jello then  I looked over the side of that bed to see a ladder , A LADDER mind you.
I who had just surfed Mavericks, climbed Mt. Everest, ran the Boston Marathon, ( OK it just felt like that) was going to climb down a ladder holding my IV bag in one hand and the ladder side in the other. I was so doped up I had a moment of "Can I do this?"  but  then lost my mind and  I just clambered down like a drunken sailor  a champ and after I got all fixed up ( girl speak for a sponge bath and a hair braid which was great) and hustled off to a new bed I got to hold that little bit of a human I had just helped onto the planet.

The next week we were watching my favorite show ER and they were delivering a baby and guess what happened? Yep it was about a stuck bed and a Doc on a stepladder.

Who woulda thunk it...

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Love and Eagles

This happened

I have always loved the Eagles. I had the first album and would babysit, clean house , wash cars,  whatever odd jobs I

could do to get  enough money to buy the next album.

When I got old enough to go to concerts I'd do anything to get to go.

 And that was  back in the olden days before computers and cell phones and ticket master back when you had to go to

the ACTUAL SOUND WAREHOUSE to get tickets and  we camped out.

 They went on sale at 10:00A.M. on Saturday at the

Record Store.

  So we went and got in line at midnight on Friday night,  bundled in our sleeping bags and our food and our beer and our cigarettes and  our other,  well never mind about THAT.

And it was a EPIC party.

 The KATT was there and KXXY and we were all dancing and singing and hanging out.


Even though it rained for a couple of hours, and we were all piled on each other like a stack of puppies  and we had to

take turns sitting in the teeniest Honda car ever  warming up and wandering off to  use

a porta potty ( which I have always hated)  it was a magic time of camaraderie and memories made and I always felt like

The Eagles songs were a sort of gospel of sorts explaining life and love.

So when we got to go to this concert it brought back so many memories and for a while I was 18 again only instead of

lighters there were cell phones,  nobody was smoking herb or cigarettes,  nobody was passed out in the walkway,  and

we and the band were a lot older.

But listening to the song Desperado brought the same kind of enlightenment( specifically about love)

that night as

when I was 18 with these lines,

"You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet"

"Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table"

"Don't your feet get cold in the winter time"

Love is taking a chance<3

Love is home<3

Love is comfort<3

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Right there

Some days its just hard.

Tired of  housework and laundry and grocery store and cleaning a really old house with thousand year old dirt in it that seems to come back the next day.

Tired of feeling ashamed because the Vet says "You need to do this treatment for your dogs", and I have to say "I can't afford it." And I feel really crummy...

Tired of working to get my second business going and not seeing results.

Tired of being afraid and anxious.

Tired of feeling sorry for myself.....

Just tired of all of it. Just feeling thirsty and tired like I've been walking a dusty dirty road for a long time...

So I go sit on the porch, and put my arm around my Cali dogs neck and bury my face in her fur that smells, like good dirt and grass, and musky dog smell, and listen to her breathe and feel her warm.

I feel her  breath on my face and I look through her eyes at the top of the trees blowing the leaves and branches rattle, I lift my nose and I smell the rain coming on the wind and feel the dampness on my skin.

I'm listening to the wind and hearing the rain fall on the top of the tin garden decoration drumming and drops pour from the leaves and run down the rain chain and the smell of wet concrete fills my nose.

And my Cali buries her head in my chest and I'm in the minute not thinking of all the things making me tired just being being the rain and the breeze and the dog and feeling of  heaviness lifting from my back and shoulders and my heart feels a little lighter.

How do you quench your thirst?

With the love of a good dog

with the the simpleness of the rain

with accepting you can't change some things they just are what they are

with being grateful and wanting what you have right there in your life

right there....

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Butler Trailer 2013 Oprah & Forest Whitaker Movie - Official [HD]

 Today I took my Mom and my 13 year old son to see this movie.

As we watched I cried.

 I cried A LOT.

I cried that so many people had to suffer for the right to not be treated less than animals.

That when I was born and a little girl they were STILL fighting to be treated as equals.

 I am disturbed that so many of the young people of these times do not understand the sacrifices that were made for them to have the freedoms that only FIFTY years ago were still being fought for.

 I think everybody ESPECIALLY young people  should go see this.

Should go and understand it was not just the Freedom Riders, and Martin Luther King and Malcolm X who were the movers of this time.

 It was the hard working people who worked to bring about change with dignity and quiet force like this man who was THE BUTLER....

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

the mask

WHO is that?

We all hide at some point

Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about how we don't  speak to each other much anymore. 

I'm guilty. Sometimes I'm busy or doing something and don't want to be interrupted or about to go to sleep and its just 

easier to send a text or a email to the person I'm thinking about than to call them and then actually speak to them about 

whatever  the thought or idea or answer to a question might be . 

But one of the problems is the nuance of speaking is lost,  the feeling, the inflection, so much information that's passed 

just through the actual voice. 

I have been dealing with my sons teachers by email. I have found that some of them are very concise and pass 

information on very effectively. Others leave me bewildered like I just witnessed a flying saucer  in front of my car.  

After emailing five or six times I think, "This would be so much easier if I could just SPEAK to them and make sure I 

understand what they are telling me."  But I understand they have been dealing with kids and school all day they need a 

break from face to face and that's why you make an appointment if you want to talk. I totally get it.

And I have good friends that I keep up with by text and face book.  It makes it easier to stay in touch you can send a 

funny picture or pass on news or say I need a virtual hug I'm having a crappy day and they can all jump in and reach out.

We have girlie get togethers about three times a year and get caught up on our stuff and have a great time acting like we 

all are in Jr. High again. 

But recently we all got into a serious   confrontation about expectations of friendship ( which is another blogpost) we 

were all messaging back and forth and it got heated up and I thought to myself "THIS is not a discussion for 

face book for Gods sake, this is a knee to knee , face to face, heart to heart  discussion we should all be having with each 

other not talking  about on a computer!" I decided to let it be known in the most loving way I was not going to discuss 

serious shit like that unless we were all together.  It was pretty quiet after that. 

I read recently that even with social media people are more depressed and lonly than ever because they don't actually 

SEE anybody. Its a sense of disconnection because of how we are all hiding behind a mask of technology for a better 


I don't want to be behind that mask of anonymity. So if  I call you its because I want to have a heart to heart voice to voice maybe even face to face knee to knee gift of your time, your thoughts, your presence. Because isn't that what it truly is 


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Mullett Stalking

The Roadie Mullett. Found in a music oriented habitat such as Bars, or Concerts. Is reclusive but can be drawn out with musical instruments and electronics.  Most often will be seen in the company of other males of the species peeping out from backstage or around equipment trying to single out intoxicated females who can be lured into thier dens with promises of getting backstage to meet Lynard Skynard.

Papa Mullett
Mama  Mullett.
Spotted in Flea Markets, Big family parties, Parks, and bodies of water.  They are are very proud of thier offspring and will gather in large groups every weekend  with many family members always singing the song of thier people loudly. Also love to swim and can be seen with pods of little ones  hanging off their  bodies as they rise from the water.

The Elusive 70s

The friendliest of the species  they are spotted often wearing the same tribal clothing for years usually levis and rock and roll concert t-shirts.  Though they do come out in the day to forage,  they tend to gather in groups in dark bars with lots of bikes parked outside and  will be seen performing intricate mating rituals the playing of air guitar and drums and  of trading dances for drinks of the alcoholic type with females of the Elusive 70s tribe. The female is distinguished from the male by physical endowments displayed with cleavage, tight jeans,  elaborate face painting consisting of lots of liner and wearing a dowery of rings on every finger.

Monday, September 2, 2013

The HAD TO winner

 I was looking forward to being a total bum today. Stay in PJs til ALL DAY. But I realized we were out of milk. So I HAD TO go to the store. HAD TO take a shower, HAD TO get dressed, just grabbed some random comfy clothes ( my most loose pair of sweat pants)  out of the laundry basket and headed for Buy For Less.

Hardly anybody in parking lot or store WINNER! Head to the back with my basket so I could get in and outta there like a one night stand. I grab my dairy and as I'm going around the corner I feel this snapping sensation. The elastic waistband on my underwear has just popped. TOTALLY POPPED. I think no big deal I'm going straight home I'll just jam outta here. But with every step I take they roll down. Its worse if I walk very fast. I think I'll just turn down the aisle where no one is and pull those suckers up. Nuh uh. Every aisle has someone on it. There are only 20 people shopping but there is a person on every aisle. Meanwhile they are rolled down so far I feel like I have a bandage across my butt. The bad part is they started pulling my PANTS OFF because as luck would have it I had also grabbed my loosey goosey waist pants too.

See I could not discreetly pull on them I was going to have to GO IN AFTER THEM with both hands like a search and rescue mission. Finally I get to a  hiding spot and pull them up. I'm holding the waist of my sweats with both elbows, and trying to push the basket,  But no they are not going to stay up. I do however manage to get to the check out. I'm walking like I have a pencil skirt on trying to keep my pants  from falling completely off. I felt like one of those Geisha's with the hobbled feet like a Geisha if she was a middle aged, no make up, wet hair, sweat pant wearin lady who was trying to hurry up and get the hell outta Dodge.

I get to the lot and my car looks like its a mile and a half away. Once again I'm doing my silly Geisha walk. I get to the car and wouldn't you know it the entire Flores family which I know was their name because they had it in GINORMOUS letters across the back of the windshield,  pull up next to me and start piling out so I could not adjust anything.  I just put the bags in and after the exodus from the truck ( I swear it was like a clown car I believe they had a entire village in there)  I jump in and sigh and get all adjusted and right as I'm getting ready to put my seat belt on I look and there is a little kid and a Grandma Flores standing next to my car looking in the window like I am the biggest weirdo in the world.

They just HAD TO see all that,  and I HAD TO BURST OUT LAUGHING!

They ran away and I laughed like a crazy person all the way home.

I'm the HAD TO winner of the day...

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Bringing Sexy Back

I fell in love in Dillard's Lingerie Dept. I was 18 and looking for a new bra on the sale rack and there it was. A beautiful silk camisole and matching pantie in blue with taupe lace and a matching teddy. All on sale. All in my size. I was meant to have it. It was my new secret love.

Back when I was flirty and thirty  I worked for Clinique and had to wear that Long Serious looking Lab Coat all day every day it made me feel better to know I had on a red lacy push up bra on under it. It was not without mishaps however as one time I was walking through a cafe after lunch and my friend behind me said "You dropped something." And proceeded to hand me the  red pad or cookie as they were called that went in my bra in full view of everyone.  Mortified I decided I'd start wearing not padded bras to work. I would have been less embarrassed if it had fallen out in a bar. I could have just blamed it on someone else. "No what I don't know what that is some new kind of paper napkin?"

Its the 80's and I live in Florida and
my tall skinny beautiful friend Deb comes in and says" Look at my new underwear my  flavor of the month  boyfriend brought me."

  Curious I obligingly went into the bathroom and she pulls up her skirt and shows me the skimpiest undies I have ever seen in my life. Barely enough of a triangle to cover the front and a mere string up her backside. It looked like an eye patch if the eye was on a baby.

Me: "What the hell is that for real?"

Deb: "Yes its called a thong, and he bought me a bikini too."

Me: "A bikini?"

Deb: "Yep we are going to the beach tomorrow no more tan lines."

Me: " You are going to wear it in public?"

Deb " Well yes I look good in it."

After that it seemed like every time I went to the beach all I saw was thongs. My Mom went for a walk with me and this woman in front of us had one on and my mom so eleoquently described it "Walking behind Nine miles of bad road."

I decided then and there I would NEVER EVER wear one of those.

 Shooting forward its 2000 and I had been a mom for about 6 months and decided that I wanted to bring the sexy back for my sweet hubby. I went to the store and looking at the piles of silkies decided that well maybe I could just TRY to wear a thong. After all if I would not be wearing it every day just for date night. So I ask the lady "Do you wear these which one is most comfy?" she picks out a pair and assures me these are the most comfy and sexy my hubby will like them.

I go home spend all this time getting prettified for date night and put on the thong and the bra and it was not that bad. I don't look 18 but I look good I feel nice its all lacy and silky. Im looking in the mirror with my hands on my hips and  in walks my husband. He gets this grin on his face. Not a "OOOH Baby" grin more like a something hilarious grin. Now I'm annoyed.

Me: "Why are you grinning, do I look ridiculous?"

Him: "NO I just thought you hated thongs and would never wear one, swore you would never wear one."

I said "Ima try it out." as I pulled on my levis and my shirt.

Even the mannequin hates them
We go out and get in the car and they are already ridin up.  What felt like ninety pounds of fabric. I wiggled a little and when we got to the theatre I went to the bathroom and adjusted them that was all better and then went back out swearing I could get used to it.

 I sat down and there it was again.I realized it was because of the sitting down. I wiggled a little trying to get adjusted. I swiveled my butt on that seat like I was trying to polish it. If I'd been standing up I'd have looked like a hooch dancer in a sideshow. It felt like I had a sleeping bag in my pants.

 I finally went to the bathroom and took those damn wedgie monster butt floss panties off and put them in the trash. When I came back my hubby laughed and said "Feel better?  I said "Yep nothin but me and my Levis."

He said "Pass the popcorn SEXY." and winked.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Doing Epic Shit: The Yoga Class

So I love yoga but because I was trying to be SUPERMOM/WIFE/PETMOM

I let my practice slide. I found myself sore, sad, and impatient.

 When I did make it to class I'd be giddy I was so glad to be there. It was hard not to smile the entire time.
I'd make it just enough to feel awesome for a couple of days.  Then that slide back down to grumpy, stiff, yuckiness.

SO I had a little come to YOGI meetin with myself this weekend and decided NOT PUTTIN MYSELF on the backburner anymore.

Now then  I have to do modified versions of poses because of my knees and my size but today it was like I was Posessed by the most awesome bendy NESS! I was like a ballet dancer and Ghandi all rolled into one ( if they were a round middle aged pasty woman) it was a woopwoop moment. A place of quiet joy mixed with brief moments of I don't know how much longer I can do this and I hate when sweats gets in my eyes and I wonder if anyone can see my pants creepin up my butt.

I did this which has always been really hard for me because I have trouble with my knees but today I DID IT! It was hard, but it happened!

And then I flowed ( sort of if you call the crab scrabble flowing) into down dog I was so excited Ive never flowed and Ive never been able to sustain it for long  if I hadn't been concentrating so hard on staying up and breathing (and not letting my belly hang out) so I didn't flop on my face I'd have done a little happy jig.

 And then finally the BIG BIG TRIUMPH getting the brick under my ass all by myself today in the bridge pose! Its really hard to get my butt up very high and usually Yogi Sandi has to come over and time it just right where I give a big push and she quickly pushes the brick under sort of like labor and delivery if you have ever been there but but but but today I DID IT MY OWN SELF! It was all I had to keep from screaming "TAKE THAT YA SUMBITCH I DID IT ALL BY MY OWN SELF HA!

And I actually was able to do it better than usual I stayed up and it didn't hurt. My lower back felt funny because it WAS IN ALIGNMENT.

WHile I was leaving ,  I stayed calm til I got in the car and then I was doing a little happy dance and high fiving myself and pushing up the ceiling dance move.  Im celebrating the little things because today I realized THEY ARE THE BIG THINGS.

Monday, August 5, 2013

You can change everything...

Brand new school Carl Albert Jr. High, ( the school being new was NOT new we moved like a caravan of gypsies from the time I was in 4th grade.) but it was first time in JR HIGH.

 My mom had come home a few days before with a bag of clothes from  one of her friends who  had cleaned out her daughters closet and I picked carefully though them until I found the perfect outfit.
 A purple shiny pull over, a purple long vest buttons all down the front with a matching mini. It was just about the coolest (  that word was THE word when I was a kid ) outfit I had ever seen. AND I had a pair of purple shoes so I was going to look like a super mod majorly hip prettiest girl ever 7th grader.

Thank you for passing those clothes to a little girl who needed them.

 I was excited and hopeful and terrified all rolled into one big ball.  Sixth grade had been a nightmare year for me,  just a mess of  custody battles, moving from state to state and emotional drama and trauma. * I mean REAL TRAUMA not just preteen angst.  So when we moved to our pretty new apartment, and I heard so many good things about my new school I was really really excited. Because back then it was harder to beat down the optimism of a kid I think. We didnt have all the mega-tive ( hybrid word of my own making)  influences on TV and video games bombarding us 24/7 so we held up better I think.

That night when I went to bed I was so excited, I had my clothes all laid out and hot rollers ready to go with all my school stuff beside my little purse with the owl on it. I woke up before the alarm and jumped up out of bed, thinking I was late and went plowing into the living room and opened the front door to go to the bus stop when I heard a voice softly say "Hey Suzie where are you going?"

It was my Moms boyfriend who had gone to sleep on the couch. I turned and looked at him and realized I was sleepwalking! I was so embaressed I didn't know what to say. He just sent me back to bed (and never said anything else about it. EVER) and I was mortified. How could I have been such a dork? I almost walked out the door in a tee shirt and underwear. What if somebody had been out there and seen me? I pulled the covers over my head and the next thing I knew my mom was waking me up.

Thank you for not teasing me about being a dork.

It was a beautiful morning and I climbed on the bus with all the other kids, and when we got to school I managed to find my home room because all the teachers were standing outside the rooms to help us out. I went from class to class in this pretty new school and all I could think about was how happy I was.

Thank you for being so friendly to the perpetual new kid.

That first part of the year I was in heaven. I loved my art teacher. She was tall and pretty with glasses and lots of naturally curly red hair. She dressed like Julie in "The Mod Squad".  I drew a class assignment and she asked me if I had traced it and had me bring the magazine in I had looked at while I drew it. She liked it so much she hung it on the wall behind her desk.

Thank you for making me feel like Rembrandt.

I got finished early with my English so the teacher would give me a hall pass to go to the library. The librarian always  took the time to talk to me, find out what I liked and would reccomend books.  And because of her I read "The Hobbit" and two weeks later I dove into Tolkien like a bag of candy!

Thank you for opening the door to grand literature for me. It helped me become a writer...

One morning I started to get up out of my bus seat and realized I didnt have my purse. I searched all over, no purse, no lunch money, Moms going to kill me. I looked EVERYWHERE. I was the last one off and the Bus driver took one look at my face and knew something was wrong. She gave me lunch money for that day and then drove all the way back to the apartments on her own time, found my purse, and brought it to me at school and wouldn't let me pay her back.

Thank you for really seeing a scared kid and helping.

You never know whats going on with someone else especially kids. All those small acts of everyday kindnesses made a impact in my life. They made me feel like I was important and special and that I mattered.

When you do something kind for someone else it changes things.


You make the difference...

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Stand in Dad

I was 16 and had just started dating this boy named Mark when I met his parents at a Christmas party. 
Shirley and Bob. That was the begining of a relationship that left a print on my life that is still there many years later my relationship with that family...

I dated Mark  for 5 years.  I loved him.  But I REALLY loved his family.
 His Mom,  Shirley would call me out just as quick as she would give me a hug, and she was always buying me little things, a shirt, some perfume, a book.  His sister Debbie showed me how to do my hair in a "Farrah Fawcett" and we would talk for hours about music and movies and boys. 

But his Dad, his Dad Bob was the man. 

He was the stand in Dad.  
He looked like Bob Hope and smelled like soap. 
He used Corn Huskers hand lotion and bag balm  because he was a mailman and his hands would get dry from the mail but his nails always were clean and short, and his fingers  a little callused from working on the car or the boat or the house. 
 He was perpetually tanned and had great legs from all of his walking.
 His eyes would crinkle from laughing and he wore his feelings on his face like a sign. I very rarely recall him being in a bad mood because he considered it his job to make sure everybody had a great time...

 Everytime I saw him he would give me a big hug and say "How you doin kid?" 
The first time I ever came over to their house I sat in this  chair by the door and Shirley yelled "Oh TIGER!"  I felt something move under me and it was this big old fat cat. I jumped up horrified and Bob just laughed and laughed and for a long time when I came over he'd say "Check before you sit down!" and wink at me, he was a big teaser and loved a good joke he'd watch Benny Hill , Saturday Night Live , and Monty Python on TV with all of us kids. He was the reason there were always so many of Marks friends at the house all the time, he had a young spirit.

He taught me to water ski and back a trailer and how to put gas in my car, how to fold a paper air plane, and one time I got something in my eye and it hurt so much he gently looked in my eye with a flashlight til he found it and got it out. He let me raid his closet and "steal" all his shiny disco shirts. He slipped me a beer at family cookouts and always made sure there was Dr. Pepper in the cooler it was my favorite, he would tell us stories and make me laugh til I would be laying in the floor. He would slip me a little cash if I needed it and send me home with groceries when I got my first apartment. When the power went out in my aprtment I loaded up my kitten and my roommate and we came over at three in the morning. He didnt even act surprised to see us, just let us in and got us some blankets.  Always taking care of someone...

Because that was his job. And he was SO good at it.

I always called him Dad and knew he was there for me.

Even after Mark and I broke up I still would go over and see them and Bob would tell me "I sure missed you tell me what you have been doing." And he really really wanted to know about my life. He never acted like it was awkward for me to be there, I was just one of his kids.

The last time I saw him was after his daughters wedding. It was a big party and I went out to the backyard to sit on the picnic bench and Bob came out. We sat on the bench together for a little bit and talked and laughed  and he reached over and took my hand and said "I hope you know you are and will always be my family." I was a little drunk and teared up. We hugged for a long time and then he went back in because it was his job to make sure everyone was happy and having a good time. 

Because that was his job. And he was SO good at it.

I found out today he passed away and I was sad and I know he will be missed so much by his family.  But I also know he lived his life well, squeezed out every drop of laughter, and happiness he could teaching and loving, and laughing.

Because that was his job. And he was SO good at it.


Robert G. Ludwig Beloved Stand in Dad 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Dogs and Boys

We have friends who have been traveling allot the last 6 months and we  have been doggy sitting their three boy Corgis.
 Conor my son,  is a big help because he just loves them. 
They go outside and play this game called "Bad Sheep" where Conor runs one way around the garage with Zero and Deuce,  and Uno runs the other direction and they all meet in the middle where the three dogs circle around and around barking hysterically while Conor laughs at their long sloppy tongues and short legs  going every which way.

Zero and Conor
 I got to thinking about how ALIKE my boy and these boys are. 

They love to play outside and the dirtier the better. The dogs run right for the mud and  If my kid goes outside he does not even have to roll in it like the dogs do he just walks out and the dirt jumps right onto his clothes and body. Doesnt bother him at all.

They love to jump on people. Zero and Conor  will run up and jump on you or flop on you even if they just saw you five minutes ago. They act like its been a month.

The dogs will just flop down anywhere and so will he.
 I never know where I will find Conor asleep. I have found him in the shower, sitting in a lawn chair, laying by the pool, once I went to the bathroom and came back to bed. It took about an hour before I noticed he crawled into his Dads warm spot and buried himself under the covers.

They are highly food motivated. They will go right into their beds for treats. We use treats to get Zero to do his litany of high five, shake, rolly over, barrel roll.
Zero, Uno, and Deuce
lawn torpedoes
 COnor will do almost anything if it involves his favorite food. Whenever we have to go to the Dr. I always take him to Panera. If I need to run an errand and I know he does not want to go  all I have to say is I'll take you to eat and Conor is in the car in 30 seconds ready to go, waggin his tail, and ready for adventure. He would probably hang his head out the window if I'd let him.

Dogs don't care if your hair looks bad, or you  want to wear pajamas all day and not take a bath, or eat a ketchup sandwich. They will even lick your plate for you. Conor is the same way. Well minus the plate licking.

 And Nobody is as loyal, or happy to see me or always up for affection like my son the puppy<3

Or the Corgis....

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


I don't know if you noticed but its been awhile since I have blogged. I have been occupied trying to keep a 13 year old boy entertained when he's not allowed to play video games, go to movies or exercise for two weeks. Its a feat in and of itself. We have watched a lot of TV, had a lot of conversations, had a lot of lunch date shopping trips for boy stuff and taken afternoon naps.

My son fell while walking, just walking across a bridge with no rail . He fell onto a concrete bottom of a creek/drainage area. He could have broken his neck or his back he could have died it could have been really bad. We went from a peaceful summer day to a trip to the ER for X-rays and CT scans. He didn't know the month and was confused about the day. He looked at me with his sad scared eyes while holding a zip loc bag of ice on his head and I smiled and reassured him while inside I just wanted to scream or puke or both. I learned allot about Closed Head Injury and also about another thing they don't really tell you about called contrecoup which is what occurs when basically the head hits a fixed object and then smacks into the other side of the skull on the rebound. grateful his was minor. But still.

 We have spent a lot of time focused on each other and I have discovered this, he is entertaining. He has an amazing mind. I have learned so much about the comic books he likes, the Big Bang Theory ( a TV show he's obsessed with). We have conversations about if you could go live on another planet and have superpowers and be a hero would you do it, the pros and cons of film VS digital and the history of film and movie making and Steven Spielberg compared to George Lucas. He wants to be writer and he likes to tell stories just like his Mama. My son knows so much about so many things he blows me away. He's like a little genius.

When I thought of his brilliant spark being snuffed or his beautiful mind being damaged it was like a 2x4 hit.

OK life you got my attention.

You really really did.

Thank you.

 Color me grateful....

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Baby Fever...

Ive always loved babies.           
When I was a little girl about four,  I had baby dolls but I wanted a real baby. 

I dreamed of babys like a kid dreams of ice cream on a summer day.

I begged my Mom for a baby.

Persistant assault like a chinese water torture

It was all I cared about.

I walked up to a lady at Safeway and asked

"Could we borrow your baby for awhile just till we get one of our own?"

Little did I know my mom was growing one just for me.

And I still kiss him right on top of his bald head.

Just like when he was a baby...

my baby brother and his baby boy



Tuesday, June 4, 2013


Once upon a time there was this little girl named Suzie. She was almost nine years old and so excited because she was going to Girl Scout Camp.
She wouldn't have to do anything but have fun. So she took her little brown lunch bag and climbed on the bus with a gaggle of little girls she didn't really know and off they went to Cookieland.

When they were on the bus she told somebody she loved the name Nikki so they all called her Nikki all week.

The first day they made cups out of empty orange juice cans and hangers so they could scoop water out of the big bucket to drink which ended up with lots of water throwing and water fights and a big mess but nobody cared because it was SUPPOSED to be like that.

The second day they went to a flower filled area and looked at all the different Butterflies and then came back and made butterflies out of colored paper and pipe cleaners and a little string made of yarn to hang them with and carefully carefully she took it home and hung it on her mirror.

The third day they went and hiked and climbed on rocks that looked like swiss cheese and then went back and patted red dirt into a mound and put handprints in it and poured plaster on it and the leaders said "Dont worry if your hands aren't clean it will look better with the "Pink" dirt in it.

The fourth day they went out into the woods and looked for a turtle for the big turtle race the next day and Suzie found one right along the trail. She called him Zippy and all the girls decorated a special box for him to stay in and fed him lettuce and fruit and they learned all about about Oklahoma turtles and conservation.

The fifth day they had the big race and Zippy was the winner. All the girls got a special ribbon and then they took Zippy to the edge of the woods and let him go. They all got on the bus with thier plaster handprint and a lifetime of memories.

I needed that trip. My parents were splitting up and my Mom scrimped together the money for me to go so I could have something wonderful to sustain me through that time and I still love to think about it...

Now the great news!  Girl Scouts has funds available to provide free scholorships to all girls in 73160 and 73170 zip codes to attend council led Day Camp opportunities this summer.

Two sessions currently planned for the weeks of June 10 - 14 and 17 - 21.

Email for all the details and spread the word!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


For those of you who don't know my boy goes to a Jr High/High School that has an arts program and a International Baccalureate program. They have a almost 100 % rate of graduates who attend college. They are in the top ten schools in the nation. Its crazy all the stuff they are known for. Its an honor to be chosen to attend this school because so many apply but not many are accepted. Some go for  the academics. Some for the arts and the scholorships that go along with it.

Did I care about all that stuff? Sure. But you know what I cared about most? I cared about the fact that he would get to make music because that what he loves. And whether he plays Brahms or Green Day,  on his Cello he goes to a place inside thats balanced. and fills his heart with joy it quiets his mind and takes him to a new balanced state of being.

                                         But the Academics are an asskicker.

           We had no idea that 6th grade is the weed out year.  For kids AND PARENTS....


Will you have what it takes to slog through all the hours homework thats gonna suck up your summer?

Will you have the stamina to deal with alternating days of classes, keeping a daily journal and a schedule like college carrying books on your back like a little pack mule?

Run the halls with High School kids who are hell bent on ignoring you or squashing like your a bug.

Deal with the 7th and 8th graders  ahead of you who feel the need to initiate you keep you in your place to teach you that you really are on the bottom of the food chain?

Learn to work through the challenge of a classroom where the rules change daily and is as Spock would say totally illogical?

Conor said yes. We said yes.

Conor has spent hours doing tons of homework. Not always turning it in which we found out later but doing it.

We discovered he has test anxiety and have had to learn to work through that.

 He has been up in the A's and down in the D's.

He's had to bond with other kids and create a safe group who call themselves the Nerd Herd.

And some teachers are really helpful, some teachers not so much, who knows why and Im not naming names but I have aged 100 years dealing with them, however we don't gives up, and we don't quits.

The stress has been killer.  Me and Conor have butted heads, cried,  quit speaking and fought but we are almost finished.

So today after I dropped off some papers to his counselor and I walked out the door I realized in TWO MORE days its our summer.

And we can say at least for a little while I DONUT CARE anymore....

And so I celebrated with a donut from Browns Bakery. And it was good.

Right on and Amen

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


Growing up in Oklahoma you learn that when you look at the sky and it turns a sick green or yellow color,  or that weird blackish grey all hell is about to break loose someplace.
You can watch the weather but your ready to run to your fraidy hole or your basement or your closet or your bathtub and can get dressed in jeans and tennis shoes from a dead sleep in about 20 seconds if that siren goes off at 2:00 A.M. You can get a mattress off the bed and over the tub lickety split.

 In the spring it becomes a routine to load your bible , photo albums and grandmas quilts into a garbage sack and put it where you can grab it on the way.  Your kids have a backpack packed with flashlights and water. The dogs leashes are out and the cats crate is in the hall.  You tell your neighbors if you have a shelter or a basement but everybody hunkers down together.

But sometimes there is no place to go.

And a  teacher lays her body over six children in a school hallway and begins to pray, a husband wraps his wife in his arms in a closet, Coworkers and customers huddle in a bank safe, an elderly woman crouches in her bathroom with her little dog in her arms.

 And there are survivors, somehow they are spared.

But sometimes that Son Of a Bitch is a Monster so big, so evil, so powerful it eats everything in its path and leaves a path of rubble and pain and loss that's so unbelievable the world sits up and takes notice.

And thats when the ordinary becomes the extraordinary.

A Father rushes to a school and with others starts digging to pull children out, finds his own child didn't make it but keeps helping to search for survivors.

A young man runs to another school and in spite of having rubble fall on top of him and running a nail though his hand digs a tunnel and starts helping people out of a building.

A mother crawls out from under a brick wall with her son alive and intact.

Everybody who can starts searching or helping the injured.

Neighbors go through debris piles listening for any noise that means someone might be in there.

 People start checking  demolished cars, calling out, searching anyplace because someone might be alive.

Medical , Police, Fire Departments, come rushing in.

Churches start gathering supplies, food, meals, volunteers rounding up and organizing and providing and comforting.

All within a matter of minutes or an hour.

And everyone cheers when they find a survivor whether its a wet  kitten or a Grandma because its LIFE.

And we all break when the list of the dead goes up and we worry over the missing, but we do not stop working in whatever way we can to help.

 Some use Okie as a insulting derogatory term

Today we are redefining the word OKIE.

A term describing a state of mind of  people who may fall down but don't stay down, are brave and stubborn, who give generously of all they have. Who work together, grieve together and build together.
Rooted in red dirt and backbone they are proud, maybe not born here but proud never the less  to embrace the tribe.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Trailer Trash yep thats me

So when I was a kid we moved A LOT.  I dont remember much before I was 4 or so but I do know that my Mom married my Stepdad, got pregnant , and we moved at least 4 times if I recollect correctly..

One was over a bar in downtown Wichita. I liked to sit in the window at night. I'd sneak out of bed and look at the neon sign under the window. Lots of really tall Ladies with big hair, tight dresses and tons of make up going in and out. Sometimes they'd look up and see me and wave. I thought they were so pretty! I wanted to look JUST LIKE THAT... I have loved Neon and drag ever since. 

The next was a little ground floor duplex where I walked back and forth to kindergarten. One time I walked home in the rain because I felt bad and we didnt have a phone. I just got up told the teacher I didnt feel good, put on my raincoat, picked up my Bologna lunch and left. I was just taking care of business, I was a OLD, OLD, five year old.  My Mom opened the door, took off my wet clothes,  and stuck me in the bed with about a million blankets. I was still cold so she got in bed with me and put my baby brother in there too. My stepdad came home and died laughing at all of us asleep in the little tiny bottom bunk..

I still like to be packed in the bed like a sardine.

The next was my first foray in trailer livin. It was a tiny one. I had a pet turtle with my hand stamped on his back in bue paint . Our trailer was about the size of a shoe box,  smelled like cabbage and hamburger and I had the chicken pox that summer. We didnt have a/c it was pretty bad. My mom tried to distract me. She found a tadpole and stuck him in a jar by the bed so I could watch him because we didnt have a TV.  She put me in the bathtub and froze grapes for me to suck on and then shed let me lay in front of the fan and hold my hands so I didnt scratch.

One time I saw a lady mowing the lawn in curlers, a red bra and tight leopard pants. Her husband came home and they got in a fight in the front yard and he made her go in because she was in her bra. In retrospect I believe she may have been drunk but I didnt really care,  I liked her outfit and just sat on my trike and watched the entire thing it was entertaining. But right after that i didnt watch where I was going and got run over by a kid on a mini bike luckily I was not hurt but I was scared i thought he was a biker. In retrospect he might have been twelve...

So I guess when I moved to a trailer park again at 11 it was no big deal because I got EXPOSED so early. And really to me living in apartments was not that much different still lotsa drama just no metal buildings anywhere. Ah trailer park memories how they linger...