Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Ants do it, Bees, do it, Beavers do it, but I don't wanna do it...

This is me sometimes. Ok well more and more often.
When did my life turn into a marathon of time consuming soul sucking  time consumption?

First let me say some people are New York. They hit the ground with both feet and start out a sprint. They thrive on being busy every single minute of every single day, going, doing, being with other people until at last they HAVE to shut their eyes to sleep but then at the same pace start the next day all over again.  They are always occupied, plugged in, turned on, and lit up brighter than the city that never sleeps and resent it if you even suggest they slow down. Its just the way they live. Its their drug of choice.

I have always appreciated a slower okie pace. I wake up early but thats alright because I can get Conor and the furbabies ready without rushing, usually coming home and drinking some hot tea before I do stuff around the house or go to the store. I like to meander through my day I get it all done but slow and steady like a turtle.

But the last couple of weeks it has been more New York than Okie. I wont bore you with all the details off the additional complications but suffice it to say that I have worn about a tread off my tires and probably need new soles on my shoes with all the running to and fro. From the time I take COnor to school I don't linger at home til after I pick him up at school and then its spent doing all those domestic engineer type jobs you know the fun ones, laundry, cleaning house, and in a old house like mine, you never get it really clean unless nobody lives here at all to stir up any 100 year old  dust. That dust is probably from the buffalo days.

Its starting to tell on me. Im getting as whiny as a teething baby for no reason, and I know in that reasonable part of my mind I have everything to be grateful for and nada to complain about but it still
slips out. I snap at Larry and Conor, I feel anxious and out of sorts, I dont feel rested when I wake up, I want to eat everything on the planet. WAH WAH WAH!

I hate being that way. AND I know the people around me want to smack me upside the head and yell snap out of it. My sweet Mom even gently reminded me how blessed I am yesterday and made me totally laugh at myself and what a jerk I was being.

I know what the cure is though.  Its booze. HA no not really! Its back to the gym I go. After working out this monday I hurt like a bitch but I felt WAAYYYY better. And being more organized with my errands. And the big one,  loving me means I can love everyone else better....

"He who is too busy doing good, finds no time to be good."

Tagore

Monday, November 7, 2011

The power of NO



I was always taught that you should be nice, helpful, kind, go the extra mile. So I always said yes. Even when I was sorry later. Like when I had a pretty little bracelet with flowers painted on it and one of my friends wanted to borrow it for a date I didnt really want to but I let her. She lost it. She wasn't really sorry. She just said "It was just a bracelet you can get another."

 I 'd hear someones sob story about hard times and let them move in "just for awhile". But it got to be like a revolving door. In and out I can't even recall all the people who stayed with me. Of course it almost always ended badly. They would leave owing me money, taking my clothes, trashing the house... Not to mention my 1st  roommate who was my Best friend since high school moved out and would barely talk to me forever and I wondered if it was because I couldn't say no to those other people did that cause me to lose her friendship for all those years?

And the boyfriends, back and forth all the time. I'd get treated like crap and then let them come back over and over. I was such a moron! And I always wanted to think that they would change, but they didn't.  I'd sit and wonder "God whats WRONG with me?"

It took a long time but I finally figured it out. In my twisted little life I had somehow learned that NO meant you were not nice and people wouldn't like you. AHA! Also that I was second they were first POOPY ON THAT! IM RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING TREATED LIKE A DOOR MAT!

(Now I will admit that there were a few times when I was in a situation and would get like a wierd nervous feeling and I would say no. Like when someone I didn't know wanted to walk me to my car from a bar "just to be safe" and I said no thanks. Thank God I honored that internal Klaxon that God blessed me with to protect me from really bad stuff...)

I was in my 30's and I finally learned it was Ok to say no. No I have to get up at 6am tomorrow so I won't be able to go out for drinks. No, thanks for offering me those clothes you can't wear anymore but I don't need them maybe you could give them to the lady down the street who helps homeless people.
No  you can't have that candy right before bed you won't sleep,  No Larry I don't want to go to see RUSH but you guys have fun. No you can't borrow anymore money, No as you can see Im on my way out the door I can't talk to you about the Mormon bible.

I even learned a great way to say no to people who always wanted me to help do stuff, can you cover my shift, can you help me move, can you watch my kids,  can you cut my hair can you blah blah blah.

I learned to say "I'd love to help you with that but Im going to have to say no." I don't offer an explanation usually.

 If they ask Im not going to lie. Most of the time Im already committed to something else. But sometimes I just don't want to. Is that selfish? Maybe to them. But to me its taking care of myself. Knowing my limits, knowing I need to take care of myself, my  home and family.

When I was little Mom would say NO MEANS NO. And it still means that today. So exercise your right to NO...