Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Now he reads to me...
Before I was a Mom
I'd never been pooped on, fed a pear with poop on it, chewed on, peed on, puked on.
I had complete control of my mind and slept really well at night.
Before I was a Mom I never held a little one down so they could do tests or give him a shot and I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin and I never sat up late just to watch a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down, I had never felt my heart burst into a million pieces when I couldnt stop the hurt. And I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew I could love someone so much and I never knew how I'd love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom I never knew the feeling of having my heart outside of my body, or how special it would feel to feed a hungry baby. I didnt know the bond between Mother and child, or that someone so small would make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom I never got up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure everything was OK. I had never known the the warmth, joy, love, satisfaction, wonderment, or heartache of being a Mom.
I didnt know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom....
So Im meandering up to the front thinking about all the things I have to do and I hear this wonderful voice singing some Aretha Franklin. Just singing with all her heart. I started smiling and thought that was so fun to hear that joy ringing out over the store. I figured it was someone singing along to their I-pod maybe. But no, it was Janetta the singing Check out girl. So of course now I have to get in her line every time.
I asked her the other day when I walked up "What are your going to sing today?" She belted out some R&B I don't know who it was but it was very good and she sang while she rang stuff up and took my money. I said" Janetta I love to hear you sing when Im in here." She said "Well some people look and act like its killin them to hear me, but one of my customers said "Oh they are just hatin on you because you are SO HAPPY!"
"Why shouldn't I be happy? I woke up in good health, I got a roof over my head, a job to go to, God loves me, I have all the reasons to be happy."
God bless her its changed my shopping experience. Head over to Belle Illse Wal Mart. You won't have to ask for her, just listen for the songbird......
Somali pirates vow retaliation after captain freed
AP – Crew members celebrate on the deck of the Maersk Alabama after their captain was released, in Mombasa's …
By MALKHADIR M. MUHUMED and MOHAMED SHEIKH NOR, Associated Press Writers – Sun Apr 12, 9:17 pm ET
MOGADISHU, Somalia – Somali pirates on Monday vowed to retaliate for the deaths of three colleagues who were shot dead by U.S. Navy snipers hours before in a daring nighttime assault that freed a 53-year-old American captain.
The Navy Seals late Sunday rescued freighter Capt. Richard Phillips, who had been held by pirates on a lifeboat that drifted in the Indian Ocean for five days.
"Every country will be treated the way it treats us," said Abdullahi Lami, one of the pirates holding a Greek ship anchored in the pirate den of Gaan, a central Somali town.
"In the future, America will be the one mourning and crying," he told The Associated Press by telephone. "We will retaliate for the killings of our men."
He gave no details and it was not clear in what way the pirates could retaliate, though some fear they could take their revenge on the hundreds of other foreign nationals they hold on seized ships.
The rescue dealt a blow to pirates who regularly seize passing ships and hold them captive until multimillion dollar ransoms are paid. But it is unlikely to help quell the region's growing pirate threat, which has turned the Gulf of Aden and the waterways along Somalia's coast into some of the most dangerous shipping lanes on the planet.
Pirates currently hold more than a dozen foreign ships, most moored along the Horn of Africa nation's long coast, with about 230 foreign sailors from Russia to the Philippines.
The American rescue followed a similar operation Friday carried out by French navy commandos, who stormed a pirate-held sailboat, the Tanit, in a shootout at sea that killed two pirates and freed four French hostages. The French owner of the vessel was also killed in the assault.
Residents of the Somali town of Harardhere said tensions were growing there.
Abdullahi Haji Jama, who owns a clothing store in the town, said: "We fear that the pirates may retaliate against the foreign nationals they are holding."
But he also said people feared "any revenge taken by the pirates against foreign nationals could bring more attacks from the foreign navies, perhaps on our villages."
Vice Adm. Bill Gortney, commander of U.S. Naval Forces Central Command, said the American operation "could escalate violence in this part of the world, no question about it."
Jamac Habeb, a 30-year-old self-proclaimed pirate, told The Associated Press that the three pirates' deaths were "a painful experience." Speaking from the pirate hub, Eyl, he added: "this will be a good lesson for us."
"From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will kill them," Habeb said. "Now they became our number one enemy," he said of U.S. forces.
So far, at least, it has been rare for Somali pirates to harm captive foreign crews.
Several years ago, a crew member of a Taiwanese fishing boat hijacked for six months was killed by pirates, but no reason was given but it appeared to be an isolated incident, according to Noel Choong, who heads the International Maritime Bureau's piracy reporting center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. No reason was given but it appeared to be an isolated incident, he said.
Somalia has been engulfed in fighting and anarchy since the 1991 overthrow of Siad Barre, and remains today a country with no effective government, a nation ruled by tribal clans.
The piracy scourge appears to have evolved partly out of an attempt by Somali fishermen to protect their waters against illegal foreign trawlers who were destroying their livelihoods. Some of the vigilantes morphed into pirates, lured by the large profits they could win in ransoms.
Somalia's prime minister welcomed the U.S. Navy's operation Sunday.
"The Somali government wanted the drama to end in a peaceful way, but anyone who is involved in this latest case had the choice to use violence or other means," Abdulkhadir Walayo, the prime minister's spokesman, told The Associated Press. "Anyway, we see it will be a good lesson for the pirates or anyone else involved in this dirty business."
Pirates were defiant though, vowing the events would not stop them form seizing more ships.
One pirate vowed the events would not stop them from targeting more ships.
"The mere killing of three and capturing one will not make us change our mind," said one pirate holding a German ship anchored in the Somali town of Harardhere who refused to give his name. "We are determined to continue our business regardless of the recent killings and arrests."
Monday, April 18, 2011
So for about 3 months i have been looking for a couch. I don't care if its a used couch just attractive, clean, well made, not too expensive.
I have looked in the stores and not seen anything new that just screamed take me home Im perfect. So I thought I'd just get on the internet.
I have been perusing Craigs List. I cannot believe the stuff they have on there. It is the most hideous upholstry I have ever seen. Who honestly wants a couch with chickens okay maybe it was roosters and corn on it? But that was not the best one the best one was this amazingly loud turquoise, pink, and tan "Southwest style" that I have not seen since I drove past the apartment dumpster a few years back. I mean some of this stuff is so bad you would not even put it in the garage to sit on with the dog back in the days when I used to smoke the herb.
And then there is the overstuffed microfiber that looks like it came straight from a manufactered home or one of those trailers you buy that come furnished and then everything breaks after a year. I mean really if you sat on it for too long you'd just slide into the dent between the cushions and smother to death because you could not break free of the stuffing. Someone would sit down and think that you were a pillow that got stuffed in there somehow. But the best is the sectional that comes with the stereo cassette deck in the corner with a fridge. You could just install a portapotti on the end and never leave the living room.
And the descriptions
Beautiful 1970s - Damask Polyester leisure suit material
comfy-has a dent worn in the seat.
Nearly new- 8 to 10 years old
great for napping- sweat stains
Only had formal LR- so uncomfortable you can't sit on it for too long or you start looking for the Spanish Inquisition
great for kids- stained covered with blanket been in storage- probably has spider family
These people are so proud of this furniture they are asking outragous prices for it. I mean seriously a used chair for 300.00? What are the screws inlaid with gold or something?
I don't get it. Some of it you could not GIVE AWAY PEOPLE! It has become an obsession now to look at craigs list and see whats for sale. I found a woman selling a those aluminium TV trays with the fake wood inlay from the 70's for 10.00. I saw a acrylic grape hanging lamp for 60.00.
I guess someone will pay for it....
Last year on the grass next to work a very small young hawk eating who people were walking RIGHT PAST without seeing ( It was only about 8am) and it was right there .
I have developed a compassion for the animal predators of this world as they have thier place and are Gods form of balance. I called my little boy to come look and we watched thru the window til the hawk carried his prey up into a tree.
Im happy to say I saw it again this morning behind a neighbors house in thier tree. My next door neighbors have a roof falling apart around the seams and TONS of pidgeons and I hope that kid stuffs itself til everyone of those pidgies are gone. Not that I hate the pidgies I just think they are messy and can't be a good thing living almost in the house next door.
So keep your little dogs, your little cats and any other little pets in the house cause there is a new kid in town and he's looking at staying I HOPE!
Anyway I read on the internet that lots of peoples pumpkins have been molested by our furry friends this year. Scientists say it could be because we are facing a really long, cold, winter. If thats the case I want to hear all about GLOBAL WARMING while Im freezing my ass off here in Oklahoma. Sorry I digress. So I decided if they are eating pumpkins, maybe they would eat old fruit that neds to be thrown away like apples. SO now I have those in the front yard. The birds like them. Maybe for Christmas I'll throw out some oranges and cool whip and old squirrely pants can whip himself up a fruit salad. Or if it ferments maybe he'll get drunk for New Years Eve.....
Work work work today was do lotsa make up at the wood. I did a sweet bride and 2 16 year olds for a winter formal who did not need much as they were already pretty much perfect just because thats the way you wake up. You can slick your hair into a dirty ponytail, still have mascara under your eyes from the day before and be adorable.
Then in comes Ally with her Mom. Immediatly her Mom says she's doing CHemo did they tell you that? I said No but thats OK.
I was a little intimidated. I have never had to do make up on someone who had No hair at all anywhere on her darling face( which by the way was exotically beautiful like the painting the girl with the pearl earring by the dutch master, Van Meers.) not even any lashes.
I didnt show it, I just said a little prayer to myself please let me help her feel beautiful again God.
Well it went very well at one point I had my hand on her forehead and her Mom said she's wearing a wig and I said I know I don't want to traumatize her by pulling it off. Then Ally said I don't want you to be traumatized if it falls off and we laughed and joked about it. I asked her if she had lots of different wigs and she said no she wore just the one she wanted to feel normal like it was real hair.
She's very brave and funny, and charming ,and I just fell in love with her and her Mom.
I had a little trouble with the lashes but finally we were done and she kept looking at herself in the mirror and smiling so I knew she felt better. Her Mom looked at me and said Thank you and her eyes were glistening some so I just hugged them both and said take lots of pictures and if you want to come back Im here for you!
Ally looked happy and as they walked out I almost cried.
I can't imagine being her Mom and seeing her baby go thru all that and being able to do nothing, really to change it. Just something small like teaching her to put lashes on Ally made her feel better tho.
All the stupid stuff I worry about, it really amounts to nothing you know. Heres a 16 year old girl, who just wants to go to a Christmas dance and feel normal. To not have everyone look at her like Cancer girl, just to look at her and see Ally. Ally who likes music, her boyfriend, who has good days and bad days, and loves make up and giggling and being with her friends.
Merry Christmas Ally I hope its magic, and Normal all at the same time.
My son told his Dad today he wants to know how someone gets pregnant who isnt married. He told my husband I think I know how it happens my cousin told me.
This is what he said.
Dad: So what do you think it is?
Conor: Well it starts with kissing..... and stuff.
Dad: What kind of stuff?
Conor: You know NAKED KISSING! * At which point he buries his head in his knees he's only 8*
Dad: Well yeah that can cause it certainly and then they have a baby like you.
Conor: Do you and Mom naked kiss?
Dad: Well yeah allot.
Conor: Okay I do not want to know anymore thats enough, beyond enough Daddy.
So my friend that is a nurse thinks I should go ahead and just tell Conor all about sex. She says if I can't tell him she will.
I want him to stay innocent a little while longer. I have told him many times if he wants to know something or has any questions please ask me or Dad do not just listen to your friends. Listening to my friends never got me anywhere just more confused.
I remember when I first found out about sex I was about 5 and asked my Mom how she got my brother in her tummy so she told me the ENTIRE process. I of course had not seen anyones penis except the baby and had no way to grasp any of it ( no pun intended) and went off on my jolly way. However when I was 9 I found a copy of "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" under my moms bed.
I spent every afternoon after school reading parts of that book and trying to figure out what the hell the big thrill of bumping together your privates could be because that sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I still figured that it was a bunch of crap when I heard stories of teenagers doing STUFF in the backseat, sneaking off in the woods and overheard jokes about sex. In the 6th grade we had to watch some movie from like 1950 about "Your changing body". The girls entered the lunchroom watched the movie and then they left and the boys watched. I still remember the diagrams of little sperm swimming along in black and white. Call me sheltered but I still did not get it until I had my first make out when I was 15 and had the opportunity to roll around unsupervised with a boy for a hour or so. Wow that was an education I didnt see Mr. Penis but I sure knew he was there.
Then one of my girlfriends told me about having sex for her first time. I was shocked to hear that she didn't use any protection because back then we didnt even know about STDs only about GETTING PREGNANT and that was bad. That meant having to come to school wearing maternity clothes and everyone staring at you all the time and feeling sorry for you because your boyfriend dumped you when he found out and called you a slut and all kinds of mean things and even said it was not his. Or maybe you had to get married and drop out and just go to summer school because it was bad to be pregnant at school.
The only person at school who was supposed to be pregnant was grown ups like the school secretary who we all could not believe was pregnant because she was so old ( maybe 40) she shouldn't even be having S E X she was so old. Because when you are that age noone should be having SEX unless they are young and beautiful.
I can say this about my education. On the one hand I had a grasp ( yes its a pun this time in case you didn't recognize it.) on the mechanics but I had no idea of the emotional and physical consequences that my first sexual encounter was to leave me with. The thing I remember most was the feeling of skin on skin, that was magic, and the fact that I didn't want to close my eyes I wanted to see EVERYTHING. I didn't have an orgasm but we worked all that out as we went along....
It was quick that first time, we were both virgins, and I made him wear a rubber which I had carefully put on him to make sure we were safe because I DIDN'T want to be that girl in the hallway at school. (I even went with him to Eckerds when he bought them. We drove 15 miles across town so nobody would know us, heck we should have just gone to the truck stop.) I really believe we were in love. I was not prepared for how love and sex could get so confused. Was I ready? Not really. I was confused about love and on a emotional rollercoaster for 6 years with him and the sex well it was great but it was not everything I wanted. I was emotionally needy and he was young and selfish and didn't understand.
Would I want that for my son? No I want him to be ready emotionally because it can put your heart in a really tender place when you are in it for love and the person you are with is in it for love for about 5 minutes...
But are we ever ready? What do was your first time like? Do you wish it could have been different if so how?
So we got our dream house. WOOHOO. I had my own bathroom for a whole week. Just my stuff, only my soapy ring in the tub the shower curtain smells faintly of sweet when you pull it aside. Clean, white, towels and rug. No stinky boy dirt around the edge.
Plenty of room. No toys scattered across the bottom, a nice little rack for all my girlie stuff.
Well i did share it with the cat. Her food on the sink so the great white shark I mean dog can't eat it.
Then Sat Larry tells me we have water coming out of the cieling. Im back to using the phonebooth after the boys. A big basket of Conors toys in the bottom, and carrying my toiletries like I was living in a dorm.
Now I have a six and a half foot hole in my TV room cieling and may have to rip out the phone booth, I mean shower to fix the leaky faucets in "my bathroom".
Sunday, April 17, 2011
One morning when he was about 18 months I cut up pears his favorite fruit and put him in his high chair which I rolled into the living room so he could watch Teletubbies and I could read a magazine. He was having a great time, he would say "Mommy" and feed me a teeny piece of pear and then he'd have one. I was not really paying much attention so I just automatically opened my mouth when he told me to and he'd put the pear in and laughed. This went on until I felt something slimy. Something beyond the baby slobber slimy, something not supposed to be in your mouth type of feeling of slimy. I jumped up and grabbing a paper towel spit the fruit into it and looked at it. It had poop on it. I had the paper towel and am gagging and gacking and scrubbing the inside of my mouth and making a wierd choky noise which sends him into gales of laughter. I look at him, he has poop on him everywhere. hands, arms, sitting in it , on his legs. I grab the high chair and roll it down the hall to the bathroom and run in the bathroom rinsing my mouth out with water and then Listerine. I even drank a little thinking maybe it would help.
Then I took him out of his chair and stripped his diaper off. This is not firm like a cow patty, or even like ice cream. Now this is like chocolate pudding folks and its everywhere. All over him, the stroller, and now me too. After I finally get us all cleaned up in the shower I put him in his crib and take the entire stroller apart and clean it with bleach and water. It was so clean it looked new, you could have done surgery on that high chair. I put it outside to dry. Meanwhile he is screeching and squawking because he does not like being confined.
Thats when it hits me. I ate poop, it was in my mouth and Im going to get Ebola, or E Coli, or Mad Cow Disease and die. My sweet darling son stuck his hand in his poop and fed it to me. I look on the internet yup poop is not a good thing to eat but you cant do anything about it.
I just had to wait and see if I got sick or he did. Luckily we didnt.
But it gave new meaning to the saying " you can only eat shit one mouthful at a time."
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It was a beautiful morning. Dropped the Conor off at school and changed into my jumpin around clothes to meet Jenn at the park for my buddy workout. As I was pulling in I got a text from my buddy saying she couldn't meet me she wasn't feeling well. She will be sorry she wasn't there. It was highly entertaining.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Last year to celebrate spring and because she listened to me say I wished I had one and because she is such a sweet person my friend Sandra gave me a bird feeder and a bag of seed. Larry hung it up in the tree outside of the window that I face when Im on the computer so I could see the birdies eating out of it. I love most birds. The Mockingbirds, the BlueJays, the Robins, the little sparrows. I went and filled up the feeder and waited for the birds. After a couple of days I asked Sandra she said "Oh put some food around it and they will find it." So I scattered some seed and still no birds. After a week I dumped the old seed out and put in new seed. Still no birds. I kept a little seed in it all the time but I was discouraged. One day I see out of the corner of my eye that the feeder is almost empty. I hunker down and watch and no bird, no sweet songbird, no delicate feathered triller is coming to the tree. No its a hairy, conniving, sneaky, flea riddled SQUIRREL! The cheeky bastard! He comes along the rope, hangs upside down and sticks his grabby little claw paw in the feeder and just shovels seed into his mouth like a little furry pig. I like squirrels OK but I dont want them near my house. The next thing you know they discover your attic, get in and you have a tribe of them eating your wires, tearing your insulation, using the attic as a toilet or crawling in and DIEING in the wall somewhere. Stay in the trees where you belong you cheeky varmints.