Monday, December 26, 2011

A different Christmas

Christmas was different this year. This was my favorite gift a painting from COnor...

 Conor wore sock monkey PJ's not his usual red plaid. I think it may be the last funny flannel PJ Christmas and I believe in Santa with him. I laid upstairs with him on his bed my arms around him. He quivered all over because he could hear the bells outside and noise downstairs. I nuzzled into him and he breathed his eggnog breath in my face while I tried not to laugh out loud at him.

The funny thing is he played more with a light up top from Cracer barrlell than he did with any of his other toys...

I swore I would'nt use my credit card cash only but it was so worth it to see Larry the Big Kahuna with his Ukalale glued to his chest for the past two days. He has played and played and played it. Watching COnor play his bass with his amp. I know now how my Mom felt watching me and my brother play with our toys so excited and happy.

This was the first time we had Larrys folks spend a holiday with us ever. They came in from Texas on Christmas Eve and left this am. Larry cooked like a maniac and we ate like kings. He was like a little kid so happy to have his parents here. COnor was very excited too just about talked his Grammas ear off and loved hanging out with his grandpa and daddy fixing his toy helicopter.

I don't think that his parents realize how isolated from them he has felt all these years with them in Florida and him here.   My folks try to make sure he knows he's family but you still always want your own around at least once in awhile and to welcome them to your home.  Im looking forward to seeing
Conor get to know them. I hope he learns allot from his Papa Terry Mr fix anything guy. I know it helps him feel happy and useful to fix stuff so I will have a list for him next time he comes*wink*

I am looking forward to see what the new year brings and that we see more of JoAnne and Terry. Come on over we will leave the light on for you....

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

How do you say goodbye

R.T. Bennett

on Sunday, June 20, 2010 at 6:56pm
When I was very small I lived with my grandparents, Mom, and teenage Aunt in a tiny two bedroom house in Del City. My Grandmother worked downtown in a department store, and Grandfather drove a truck and was gone on the road more often than not. My Mom and my Aunt went to school and I would go stay with a lady named Parsons. At 5pm I would watch the other kids Daddies come to get them. Sometimes Mom said I asked "Why is my Daddy so old?" I thought because everyone called my grandfather Daddy that he was my Daddy too. I just could not get that straight. So to keep the confusion down I just called him Daddy too.
I could always tell when it was time for him to be coming home. My Grandmother would cook a big meal and the house would be all clean. There would be a fresh bar of LAVA soap out in the bathroom for him to wash his hands because they would be dirty from dropping off the load of pipe at the truck yard. Sometimes he didnt get home til late and I would already be in bed. I could hear him come in the door and my Aunt would take his dirty clothes, my Mom would go heat up his dinner and after he washed up my grandma would get him situated on the couch with a big glass of tea and he'd light his cigar. I would wake up and hear all this commotion and knew I should stay in bed. I knew I would probably get in trouble if I got up. I would clutch my pillow and waller around trying to go back to sleep. Finally I figured I'd face the music of trouble because I had to see my Grandpa. I slid down off the bed, put on my little red robe and tiptoed to the doorway. I could peep around the corner and see My grandpa sitting there. I looked and looked but would try to hide when my Mom came in. Finally ( he had already seen me and was tickled to watch me trying not to get caught...) he looked me in the eye and said "Wheres my Suzie?" I ran out and jumped on his lap and hugged him as hard as I could. He would rub his rough whiskers on my cheek and tell me how much he missed me and he had such blue eyes that would laugh when he looked at me. 
He told me when I was a baby before I could talk that one day I was mad because there were all these kids outside that I could see and I wasnt allowed out. I went to the screen door and pulled and cried and had a big fit. Finally I toddled over to where he was , crawled up in his lap, yelled at him, slapped his face, and then fell over on his shoulder and cried and cried till I went to sleep. I guess that was when our realtionship got a little conflicted. 

He took good care of me....

Our shared birthday 9/27/2006
At the hospital Conor and Great Grandpa saying goodbye
When I was in high school he made sure I had a good used car to drive, that I was able to do some special school trips, and he came to my graduation. Every Christmas he gave me a hundred dollar bill and a jar of pickles because I loved them. He fixed my cars, he helped me move, he gave me money if I needed a new dress. He would take me out for mexican food and he would make me chicken salad to take home. Nobody can top his chicken salad. He told my Mom at Christmas to get me some pickles and give them to me...even tho Im 48 and not 12 anymore.

He liked it when Id come over with my little boy. He'd take him into his workshop and show him his lawn mowers. They would talk about fishing and he'd come steal my Grandmas candy and give it to Conor.

After my Grandma died I'd call him and he'd talk to me for a long time. He told me he wanted to go to school and be an engineer but he fell in love with my Grandma and got married instead. He never regretted getting married but always regretted not going to college. That he was a expert marksmen and used to compete in Texas, and wished he had someone to pass that on to.

He worked really hard all his life. Even after he retired he was always working at something for somebody. I figured out about him then, all his life he had worked because it kept his heart quiet. If his heart was quiet he didnt have to think about his problems or regrets or sadness over mistakes he'd made with my Grandmother or his daughters, choices he'd made that were selfish and painful and heart breaking. If he worked he could make something better, or good, or beautiful or useful and maybe it would make things better. Maybe it would help his family love him and forgive him. Maybe to him work WAS love.

He is a complicated man even now. I dont kid myself that he didnt have faults or have some idealized vision of him. But just like he's the man who could hurt your feelings with a sharp word he's also the man who held a little baby who slapped his face, and made me feel like I was his favorite girl no matter how old I was. He is my old old Daddy no matter what...

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Little Miss Red Shoes

I have become less of a dressy uppy girl over the last couple of years. If its my day off your more likely to find me in a pair of jeans and tennis shoes, no make up and a ponytail than all dolled up. I have become more reluctant to wear dresses as well. I dont mind a long skirt,  it keeps your butt covered if you have to lean over but its just easier to move around in pants than a dress most of the time.

That changed this month. I was looking for something pretty to wear to our company Christmas party. Im looking around a website and click on Holiday wear and there it is. A red satin ruffly dress. AWWWWHHHHHHHH a chorus of angelic voices in my ears and beams of starlight shooting into my eyeballs....

 I love red.  I used to wear red all the time! When I was a kid I traded my little loafers with another little girl for her sparkly red wizard of OZ shoes. We forgot to trade back and that night I got my butt whooped but I was inflamed with glamour while I had those shoes on. It broke my heart to give them back. When I looked at those shoes I was transported to another state of being. I could dance like a Rockette, sparkle like a diamond, and fight flying monkeys with a basket. And looking oh so pretty the entire time.

Then I heard it "THE VOICE". You know the one. The one that sits back on her comfy chair filing her nails and looking perfect like a picture from a magazine I call her "Miss Perception"

"Oh look doesn't that dress look fun. That girl she's so young, tan and pretty! AND FIRM>>> OOOOO that red satin its so clingy thats gonna show some figure flaws you will have more rock and roll than a Bon Jovi concert in New Jersey! More lumps than a WWE Midget wrestling match taking place under a blanket. And well isnt it a bit young for you? Maybe you should just wear that long sleeved red shirt again with your black pants. And well you know you will need to wear some flats you can't wear heels with those old lady knees of yours. Really DEAR don't put yourself through it..."

I sat for a moment and thought about it. Well yeah she's right red, clingy, heels. Maybe not.

But then that little girl wearing those red sparkly shoes jumped out and said "HEY SHUT UP BITCH SHE CAN WEAR IT IF SHE WANTS!"

So off I went into cyber world and ordered my sparkly red party frock and some  under armor spanx to pack it all in and a super bra to push it all up.  I got it all ordered and waited excitedly!

And a week later I went to pick it up at the store and try it on and dadauh I actually had to go down a size in the dress! YEAH!

SO that night when I was getting dressed I put on the spanx panties  first. It was like trying to pull up a wet onepiece rubber swimsuit while someone else was pulling it down. After allot of twisting, grabbing and wiggling around I finally got it up. WOW. All the way up right under the boobs. I have not been that firm since I was in my wedding dress 14 years ago. In fact that may have been the last time I actually wore a dressy dress. I worked up a sweat so I had to go dab my brow and next was the bra. After I finally got the sisters situated into the mangler I had a set of pillows I could rest a wine glass on like my own little airplane tray...

Then I realized I didnt have any hose. Shit its 630 pm on sunday the store is closed. So I go digging around in my drawers. All I can find is a pair of white tights for my halloween costume, some striped thigh highs for my pirate costume and a pair of nude thigh highs from 1994  that I could only get up to my knees...

"See I told you you should have picked pants."  Miss perception said smugly rolling her eyes.

"Oh please just put a bunch of lotion on and go bare legged its not the end of the world this is sparkly dress night!" little red shoes said. Then she grabbed Miss P, and shoved her under the bed.

 I found some Chanel and rubbed that on my bare legs and then I straightened my dress, put on my red lipstick, put on those black wedge heels and nervously walked downstairs to be greeted by  the wowees of my brother, hubby, son and nephew. After posing for some prom pics we were off.

I looked pretty with my favorite accessory ( my husband) ,  sparkly earrings and some big hair, not wobbling in my heels like I was afraid of  falling over , struttin out feelin fine. Got to the Party everybody just about fell over because I was in my finery. It was AWESOME! I had some wine feelin fine!

Me and Jodi doing our movie star laughs

Then had to go to the bathroom. Yep. Battlefield.

Oh the spanx they roll down OK but getting them back up from the roll? Well lets put it this way after the last giant tug I had a  wedgie all the way up to my armpits and spent another 5 minutes getting everything back to where it was supposed to be.  Then I had to pull and tug and resituate the dress lining.  I imagine that was akin to a old time cattle drive getting everything back into place.  Actually that was the only downside. Well that and my legs were really cold on the car seat.  But the hub he is a good guy went out and warmed up the car for the ride home...

My bodyguard
So Im going to another party Saturday night. With my BFF Margie. Gonna make her dress up and curl her hair.

 Red dresses must go out on the town....