I was always taught that you should be nice, helpful, kind, go the extra mile. So I always said yes. Even when I was sorry later. Like when I had a pretty little bracelet with flowers painted on it and one of my friends wanted to borrow it for a date I didnt really want to but I let her. She lost it. She wasn't really sorry. She just said "It was just a bracelet you can get another."
I 'd hear someones sob story about hard times and let them move in "just for awhile". But it got to be like a revolving door. In and out I can't even recall all the people who stayed with me. Of course it almost always ended badly. They would leave owing me money, taking my clothes, trashing the house... Not to mention my 1st roommate who was my Best friend since high school moved out and would barely talk to me forever and I wondered if it was because I couldn't say no to those other people did that cause me to lose her friendship for all those years?
And the boyfriends, back and forth all the time. I'd get treated like crap and then let them come back over and over. I was such a moron! And I always wanted to think that they would change, but they didn't. I'd sit and wonder "God whats WRONG with me?"
It took a long time but I finally figured it out. In my twisted little life I had somehow learned that NO meant you were not nice and people wouldn't like you. AHA! Also that I was second they were first POOPY ON THAT! IM RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING TREATED LIKE A DOOR MAT!
(Now I will admit that there were a few times when I was in a situation and would get like a wierd nervous feeling and I would say no. Like when someone I didn't know wanted to walk me to my car from a bar "just to be safe" and I said no thanks. Thank God I honored that internal Klaxon that God blessed me with to protect me from really bad stuff...)
I was in my 30's and I finally learned it was Ok to say no. No I have to get up at 6am tomorrow so I won't be able to go out for drinks. No, thanks for offering me those clothes you can't wear anymore but I don't need them maybe you could give them to the lady down the street who helps homeless people.
No you can't have that candy right before bed you won't sleep, No Larry I don't want to go to see RUSH but you guys have fun. No you can't borrow anymore money, No as you can see Im on my way out the door I can't talk to you about the Mormon bible.
I even learned a great way to say no to people who always wanted me to help do stuff, can you cover my shift, can you help me move, can you watch my kids, can you cut my hair can you blah blah blah.
I learned to say "I'd love to help you with that but Im going to have to say no." I don't offer an explanation usually.
If they ask Im not going to lie. Most of the time Im already committed to something else. But sometimes I just don't want to. Is that selfish? Maybe to them. But to me its taking care of myself. Knowing my limits, knowing I need to take care of myself, my home and family.
When I was little Mom would say NO MEANS NO. And it still means that today. So exercise your right to NO...