Sunday, August 14, 2011

Males and furniture and help a girl out....

Im on a flinging binge. So far I have 8 pairs of shoes, 6 throw peeyoes ( as Conor called them) , 6 shirts, a set of sheets, books, two dirty, stinky, 7 year old chairs, and a plaid ottoman with a rip the size and shape of California down the middle. I just get crazy and start moving stuff out its so FREEING!. I invited my brother Dave over to help me move furniture around and take the chairs to the curb and help Larr hang a ceiling fan in Conors room in exchange for a back wax and beer. Dave took the beer and is considering the back wax...

Anyway I was going to sneak Larrys gross chair out while he was at work but he beat me home. Heres the conversation.

Me: So you just move my comfy chair over for you, keep that ottoman and then we'll put the nice blue leather wing back in the man cave for me.

Him: (Using the sad face) But I like that chair.

Me: (Trying to use the ick factor)  I know but I have tried cleaning it with everything and its gross and smelly it needs to go. Seriously.

Him: (Using the man logic) But its broken into the shape of my body perfect.

Me: (Now resorting to man  logic) It is broken alright you need a crane to get out of it, it is so low down to the ground your butt is almost on the floor. COnors head doesn't even poke over the top its so broken.

Him:( Using but we have a history logic)  But its not old, its only a few years old you bought it off Craigs list when we moved here 2 years ago.

Me:  (Using the same) No I bought both the chairs from Linda at the Spa the first time we remodeled in 2002 and they were already 2 years old AND had a million people sit in them. The nice chair I bought on Craigs list 2 years ago. The one that is pretty and does not have the fabric worn off and does not always smell like a truck driver.

Him: (Using shame) So you dont care how I feel about MY CHAIR?

I consider this throwing down the gauntlet using his  FEELINGS on me.

Meanwhile Dave is watching this like a tennis match and waiting. He's a wise man he kept his mouth shut.

I finally realize I have to use the throwdown on him. I look at Dave. I look at Larry.

Me: ( I use the beat up look and voice) OK I will move the chair myself if you won't do it I will just do it myself.

No No we will do it. They move the chair and ottoman out. They also move one chair upstairs and a couch and a chair and ottoman downstairs and another chair into the man cave. They then drink beer and excuse themselves to the babyman cave upstairs to do the fan...

But not before I talk to them about what it would take to hang my new bike on the wall like a piece of art which I was just kidding about but they went for it like a duck after a junebug! I told them I was teasing so they ran away before I gave them something else to do.

So Im cleaning and I hear all this thumping on the porch its Conor moving the chair back in.

Me: What are you doing?

Him: Bringing this chair back in its my favorite chair.

Me: No its gross and its going away.

Him: No mom its going upstairs.

Me: Take it back to the curb RIGHT NOW!

I look out the window. He's sitting in the chair. I go out and he says he's never getting out of it because then nobody can take it. I make him come in and he sets at the window and says if anyone tries to get it he's gonna make them pay him 50.00. He then goes upstairs and tells his Dad he should just march down and tell me no we are keeping the chair and Larry said sorry we aren't your Mom is a force of nature and can't be controlled.

After all that he went out and turned both chairs over trying to hide them behind Daves car. I hope someone takes that chair tonite. I don't want to find it under the tree in the backyard with COnor sitting in it playing with his IPod.....

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