Monday, April 4, 2011

No free lunch


Last year to celebrate spring and because she listened to me say I wished I had one and because she is such a sweet person my friend Sandra gave me a bird feeder and a bag of seed. Larry hung it up in the tree outside of the window that I face when Im on the computer so I could see the birdies eating out of it. I love most birds. The Mockingbirds, the BlueJays, the Robins, the little sparrows. I went and filled up the feeder and waited for the birds. After a couple of days I asked Sandra she said "Oh put some food around it and they will find it." So I scattered some seed and still no birds. After a week I dumped the old seed out and put in new seed. Still no birds. I kept a little seed in it all the time but I was discouraged. One day I see out of the corner of my eye that the feeder is almost empty. I hunker down and watch and no bird, no sweet songbird, no delicate feathered triller is coming to the tree. No its a hairy, conniving, sneaky, flea riddled SQUIRREL! The cheeky bastard! He comes along the rope, hangs upside down and sticks his grabby little claw paw in the feeder and just shovels seed into his mouth like a little furry pig. I like squirrels OK but I dont want them near my house. The next thing you know they discover your attic, get in and you have a tribe of them eating your wires, tearing your insulation, using the attic as a toilet or crawling in and DIEING in the wall somewhere. Stay in the trees where you belong you cheeky varmints.

They are almost impossible to get rid off. I know people who have installed chicken wire and grenades along the houseline to keep them out. They are insidious like the fog they just find a way in. I have heard tales of people shooting at them with pellet guns and then they find a stuffed cat with a noose around its neck on the front porch the next morning and a note that says "Fluffys next if you don't stop."

The dogs have a personal vendetta against them. Especially Commader Cali the cattle dog. At our old house she took out 7 of them and it was ugly. They would line up along the garage roof and stare longingly at the berry and pecan tree, but she would be there. looking, waiting, mouth open and big white teeth showing....
Harry Squirrel: "Isn't that a bitch . Man I really need a berry fix but I just dont know if I should risk it. Look at that its anough to make me pee right here in front of everyone."
DOODIE Squirrel: " I know did you see? It just jumped in the air and grabbed Bob last week. It shook him till his teeth just flew out and then threw him in the corner like an old shoe. I almost fell off the roof when it grabbed him, it could have been me next. God poor Bob. Then those other ones just threw him in the trash. "

At this house they are smarter, quicker, and have a very high tree. Cali can't reach them and it drives her crazy. They sit up there throwing sticks and shouting taunts and obscenities. They come right down to where she can see into the eyes and give the "Im watching you signal to her." Furry thugs. Even with her trusty yorkshire sidekick Captain lowrider the best they have done is get one trapped in between the wooden and wire fence and scared it so bad it hung onto the top of the fence and wouldn't move till I made them come in. It was a squirrel stand off. They would have sat there forever just waiting for it to move. Praying for a misstep...

I have not filled the feeder in a few months. Cheeky comes back every once in awhile and looks.
Go ahead. No mas....



1 comment:

  1. Poor little cheeky bastards. Feed the poor things before PETA gets wind of your bias.

    ReplyDelete