Monday, April 18, 2011

naked kissing or the sex talk 12/2009

My son told his Dad today he wants to know how someone gets pregnant who isnt married. He told my husband I think I know how it happens my cousin told me.
This is what he said.

Dad: So what do you think it is?

Conor: Well it starts with kissing..... and stuff.

Dad: What kind of stuff?

Conor: You know NAKED KISSING! * At which point he buries his head in his knees he's only 8*

Dad: Well yeah that can cause it certainly and then they have a baby like you.

Conor: Do you and Mom naked kiss?

Dad: Well yeah allot.

Conor: Okay I do not want to know anymore thats enough, beyond enough Daddy.

So my friend that is a nurse thinks I should go ahead and just tell Conor all about sex. She says if I can't tell him she will.

I want him to stay innocent a little while longer. I have told him many times if he wants to know something or has any questions please ask me or Dad do not just listen to your friends. Listening to my friends never got me anywhere just more confused.

I remember when I first found out about sex I was about 5 and asked my Mom how she got my brother in her tummy so she told me the ENTIRE process. I of course had not seen anyones penis except the baby and had no way to grasp any of it ( no pun intended) and went off on my jolly way. However when I was 9 I found a copy of "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" under my moms bed.

I spent every afternoon after school reading parts of that book and trying to figure out what the hell the big thrill of bumping together your privates could be because that sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I still figured that it was a bunch of crap when I heard stories of teenagers doing STUFF in the backseat, sneaking off in the woods and overheard jokes about sex. In the 6th grade we had to watch some movie from like 1950 about "Your changing body". The girls entered the lunchroom watched the movie and then they left and the boys watched. I still remember the diagrams of little sperm swimming along in black and white. Call me sheltered but I still did not get it until I had my first make out when I was 15 and had the opportunity to roll around unsupervised with a boy for a hour or so. Wow that was an education I didnt see Mr. Penis but I sure knew he was there.

Then one of my girlfriends told me about having sex for her first time. I was shocked to hear that she didn't use any protection because back then we didnt even know about STDs only about GETTING PREGNANT and that was bad. That meant having to come to school wearing maternity clothes and everyone staring at you all the time and feeling sorry for you because your boyfriend dumped you when he found out and called you a slut and all kinds of mean things and even said it was not his. Or maybe you had to get married and drop out and just go to summer school because it was bad to be pregnant at school.

The only person at school who was supposed to be pregnant was grown ups like the school secretary who we all could not believe was pregnant because she was so old ( maybe 40) she shouldn't even be having S E X she was so old. Because when you are that age noone should be having SEX unless they are young and beautiful.

I can say this about my education. On the one hand I had a grasp ( yes its a pun this time in case you didn't recognize it.) on the mechanics but I had no idea of the emotional and physical consequences that my first sexual encounter was to leave me with. The thing I remember most was the feeling of skin on skin, that was magic, and the fact that I didn't want to close my eyes I wanted to see EVERYTHING. I didn't have an orgasm but we worked all that out as we went along....

It was quick that first time, we were both virgins, and I made him wear a rubber which I had carefully put on him to make sure we were safe because I DIDN'T want to be that girl in the hallway at school. (I even went with him to Eckerds when he bought them. We drove 15 miles across town so nobody would know us, heck we should have just gone to the truck stop.) I really believe we were in love. I was not prepared for how love and sex could get so confused. Was I ready? Not really. I was confused about love and on a emotional rollercoaster for 6 years with him and the sex well it was great but it was not everything I wanted. I was emotionally needy and he was young and selfish and didn't understand.

Would I want that for my son? No I want him to be ready emotionally because it can put your heart in a really tender place when you are in it for love and the person you are with is in it for love for about 5 minutes...

But are we ever ready? What do was your first time like? Do you wish it could have been different if so how?


  1. Boy, deep stuff my friend. My first is snoring next to me at the moment. I am extremely thankful that he will also be my last. Do I wish it had been different? Absolutely! I wish we had waited until we married. Keeping that door closed for a few more years would have prevented a lot of heartache that occured.

    Anyway, God is good even when we aren't. Thank goodness for that, right? :-)

  2. Yes God is good. I know that when I see these young single parents raising babies all alone( except for thier parents help sometimes ) who have to trust God to help them make a life...