Thursday, March 31, 2011

How did he survive?

I was thinking yesterday about my brother Jerrie and how at one time we were so close I could barely get him out of my armpit. Of course my Mom blames it all on me. She says when I was 4 I would go up to people in the grocery store and beg to borrow thier infant till she and husband number 2 had one just to indulge me. Thats what she says but everyone knows the truth to THAT story....

Anyway it wasn't that bad when he was a baby and flat on his back. I could read to him, sing to him, play with him and make him laugh. He was easy to take my stuff away from. I'd just shove him over and yank it out of his hand. Or do the distraction method "heres a cracker give me that." He got it over it quick enough. But then he got really mobile and all bets were off.
He threw up all over my blow up dinosaur from the sinclair staion and we ended up having to throw it away because it smelled so bad plastic and vomit , he pulled all the heads off of my dolls from around the world. Do you know how creepy it is to have fully clothed headless dolls on a shelf in your room? I finally threw them away it was a sad day...

He ripped pages out of my books, scribbled on my wall which I got in trouble for because I left my crayons out. He stole my stuffed Snoopy I got for valentines day and every time I tried to play with it he would scream. He STILL has it. Whenever he would get in trouble because I was supposed to be"WATCHING" ,him it was always "You are the oldest, you are smarter than him, you are responsible for what he does." Thanks guys I was a kid OK?

So I found ways to torment him thinking he'd give up and go away. I put him in the wicker clothes hamper and sat on it till he quit crying, and trying to escape. When I looked in there he was asleep. When my mom asked where he was I said he's asleep in the clothes hamper.

Then once when my cousins were over I told him the bubble bath was sugar and he put some in his mouth and so did my other cousin and they both were crying bubbles. He couldn't talk with soap in his mouth so I didn't get in too much trouble for that especially because the boys felt so bad they practically confessed to the entire thing.

I cut his hair, I put make up on him and dressed him like a girl.Sometimes I fed him wierd food combinations. The ketchup, mustard and pickle sandwich, and the Tuna helper with jalapeno juice were the worst I think. But he ate them.

Now he has three kids. Two girls and a boy. I hope they torment him unmercifully. When my son brought up the "I might want a sibling" topic both my husband and I regale him with the you have to share everything and cant get mad when they do stuff stories. He decided that he would just hang out with his cousins.

I have more stories about my brother and I... Whats the meanest thing you have ever done to a sibling or family member? My husband threw his brother down the stairs once. But thats another story....


  1. This is hysterical! I do think, however, that you should stop cutting his hair, putting make up on him and dressing him like a girl now that he is older. It's your call though.

    The worst thing I have done to my sisters to date?

  2. You should be ashamed of your self. I should be ashamed for leaving him with you and giving you all that work. But the food was the worse. You can't be mad at me for this because now you know what it is to be the almost by yourself bread winner. You were a great kid. You are still a great kid.

  3. the above xcomment as you may have guessed is from my mom